Daytime TV's 'Fuck, Marry, Kill' Is Called 'Make Out, Marry, Move On'

This morning on Today (always a lovely way to begin a post), Kathie Lee and Hoda introduced me to the family-friendly version of ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’ called ‘Make Out, Marry, Move On.’ The two games are structurally identical—both involve assigning one of three categories to a trio of celebrities—but this version sort of lowers the the stakes. They claim M/M/MO is “taking the world by storm,” but I disagree.

In place of fucking, you make out for an indeterminate amount of time. In place of killing, you move on – an act so far removed from the murder that…I think it’s actually the exact opposite. Just take a look at how boring the game is in practice.

In this round, Hoda said she’d marry Jimmy Fallon, make out with Will Smith, and move on from Jon Bon Jovi. First of all, who the hell created this lineup? Second…….ok? You’re gonna tell Bon Jovi to move on? How devastating for both of you. By stripping the game of extremes, it loses the absurd moral and sexual quandaries that make the scenarios so much fun to imagine.

Kathie Lee and Hoda aren’t the first daytime TV hosts to play ‘Make Out, Marry, Move On,’ and I fear they won’t be the last.