Clarence Thomas Is the Absolute Worst. Here's Why.
LatestEveryone knows Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the best Supreme Court justice, but which one is King Shit of Poop Mountain? The competition is pretty fierce. We all know Justice Alito is a dick (don’t nobody step to RBG on my watch, dog). Scalia is an immortal, squealing pig-demon who feels naught but agony. Chief Justice Roberts literally thinks racism is over because Obama. This is quite the crew of despicable, cloven-hooved man-beasts, all of whom are in possession of more power than us unclean riff raff could ever possibly comprehend.
But there’s one man who is all too easy to overlook. Justice Clarence Thomas, a quiet man who oft lingers in the shadows, using his silence to obfuscate his true evil. No one is safe when Thomas emerges to wreak his terror upon us all. Congratulations, Justice Thomas. You are the absolute worst.
Here now, a non-exhaustive list of the awfulness Justice Thomas hath wrought.
1. He is a racist, somehow
Imagine the mental gymnastics required to be a racist black person! And yet Justice Thomas has achieved this feat with impressive aplomb. Thomas goes out of his way to make life more difficult for black people. Hey, are you a black guy who was convicted and put on death row because the prosecutor purposefully hid exonerating evidence from your lawyer? Go fuck yourself, says Thomas. Are you a racial minority who wants to attend college? Eat this shit, courtesy of Clarence Thomas. Yesterday, Thomas went out of his way to point out that he would strike down affirmative action if given the chance even though no one asked him to rule on that issue. He just wanted to make sure you knew he fucking hates minorities!
Today, though. Today was the white hood on the top of Thomas’s racism cake. In one of its worst opinions of all time, the Supreme Court ruled that Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act is unconstitutional. That section prevented jurisdictions with a history of suppressing the minority vote from changing their voting procedures without approval from the Department of Justice. This procedure has been so effective in improving voter turnout and ending discrimination that the Court decided we don’t need it anymore. Not only did Justice Thomas agree with this, he wrote a separate concurrence just to point out that he’d strike down the other sections of the Act that protect minority voters! WHAT? BECAUSE FUCK BLACK PEOPLE TRYING TO VOTE IN ALABAMA, AM I RIGHT?
2. His wife sucks