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A lot of people say that chicken is a good meat, but they are wrong. It is a bad meat.


This has nothing to do with ethics or factory farming (although factory farming is bad). Birds are unsettling animals and I don’t much care for them, mostly because there’s something obscene and overly revealing about the way they move. Instead, I choose to focus on this either ignored or maligned fact: Chicken doesn’t taste very good unless you happen to like the flavor of dirty barn bird, which is exactly what you’re getting.

Allow me to come atcha like a dark horse and tell you some truths about chicken:


  1. It almost always tastes raw.
  2. You often have to eat around its bones.
  3. It has too many bones.
  4. “Chicken” is, phonetically, a horrible word.

The four exceptions to this are:

  1. Boneless fried chicken
  2. The beer can chicken wrapped in bacon that my friend made once
  3. Braised chicken, because it’s been infused with other flavors and—ideally—lost the original structure that makes it so gross to begin with.
  4. Any chicken your parents or grandparents make me, as I am polite and will eat and appreciate what is served

All other chicken is bad.


Thank you.