Cheesy Cellphone Ringtones Are Way Better When Sting Sings Them

Ringtones! They are a constant source of heated political debate. They are either the most annoying part of setting up your new phone or you just don’t give a shit and let it go to the default.

Enter Sting, savior of technology! On Thursday’s Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Sting proved that it doesn’t matter how crappy the song (that damn rip-off American Beauty theme iPhone ringtone, for example), anything can be turned into magic thanks to a great artist. “Stingtones” need to be a new option for all of us, ASAP. In addition to all that, Sting generously recorded a brand new voicemail message for one lucky audience member. They chose “Message In A Bottle” as the inspiration for the new recording. I would have chosen “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” except the lyrics would be “Why Aren’t You Fucking Texting Me With This Shit?”

“What if your IT guy was Sting, how cool would that be?” asked Fallon. It would be cool, except you know if Sting was your IT guy he’d probably hate you and never do anything to actually help you except say “did you restart? Maybe just try and restart.” Then he would post long rants on Reddit about how dumb you are.

Sting is your friend, y’all. He wouldn’t forcefully download a stupid copy of his new album on your phone like some ’80s rock legends. He loves you more than that.