Captain Underpants Gets More Calls for Censorship Than Fifty Shades

The ALA revealed its top five most challenged books of 2013 and, somewhat surprisingly, lines like "suck me, baby" and "my inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves" weren't enough to nab "mommy porn" staple Fifty Shades of Grey the #1 spot. Instead, Anastasia and Christian are languishing down at #4 (clenching their moist muscles in a most delicious fashion, no doubt), while kids' graphic novel The Adventures of Captain Underpants holds #1 for the second year in a row. Because it says "pee-pee" and "wedgie" in it. Oh, prudes. You guys are so weird.

Not that I think Fifty Shades should be banned or burned—even for its crimes against prose—but those are some bonkers priorities. Here's the Hollywood Reporter:

The graphic novel, geared for children in the 7- to 10-years-old range and written and illustrated by Dav Pilkey, features two fourth-graders who create a comic book about their imagined superhero — who prefers not to wear pants. The book promises "action, thrills and laffs," but it was called into question due to its supposed offensive language, violence and unsuitability for its target age group.

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison and The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie held the second and third spots, respectively, for the sins of offensive language, sexual explicitness and drugs.

Rounding out the list were Fifty Shades, which held steady in fourth place, beating John Green's Looking for Alaska; Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games (for its alleged religious viewpoint); and Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower, back on the list after four years. Jeff Smith's classic cartoon-style graphic novel seriesBone held the 10th spot for its violence and alledged racism.

This seems like a good time to mention that if you haven't read The Bluest Eye and The Absolutely True Story of a Part-Time Indian, you're welcome. I planned your weekend for you.

In conclusion, poopy. Wedgie. Butt-sniffer. Censor me, bitchez.