By the Numbers: The Kardashians Have Collectively Lost 431 Pounds

Everyone's always like, "Why are the Kardashians even famous? What's their talent?" And this whole time the answer has been staring us right in the face in supermarket checkout aisles: they are highly skilled at losing weight—inhumanly so. In less than four years, the three sisters have managed to drop an impressive 431 pounds. Wow, that QuickTrim is more effective than malaria!

The family is acutely aware of which side their bread is buttered: their bodies. And they've used those butter bodies to make money through diet supplement endorsements that they advertise through tabloid exclusives about how they lost x amount of weight in x amount of time.

Khloe was the one who really got that butter ball rolling, having the first—and most—stories about her weight loss. Since July 2009, she's graced the covers of 11 tabloids, losing between 10 - 30 pounds each time around.

July 15, 2009: "Kim helped me lose 20 lbs in four weeks" -20

September 9, 2009: "Get thin fast" -25

October 7, 2009: "Don't call me fat!" -25

May 26, 2010: "Lose 12 lbs. in 3 weeks" -12

June 22, 2011: "How Kloe lost 10 lbs" -10

May 30, 2012: "Dropped 20 lbs. in 20 days" -20

November 7, 2012: "Lost 10 lbs." -10

April 3, 2013: "I'm the hot sister now!" -25
April 3, 2013: "20 lbs in 3 months" -20

May 1, 2013: "Dropped 30 pounds" -30

TOTAL LOSS OF 197 POUNDS LOST

Kourtney's weight-loss narrative makes a little more sense since she had two children in as many years. Still, the amount of combined pounds lost credited to her are probably more than she's ever weighed in life, including when she was pregnant.

January 20, 2010: "My diet secrets: lose 10 lbs in 10 days" -10

March 31, 2010: "How I lost 33 pounds" -33

December 29, 2010: "Kourtney's lost 45 lbs!" -45

November 7, 2012: "Lost 40 pounds" -40

January 2, 2013: "Lost 44 pounds" -44

TOTAL LOSS OF 172 POUNDS

Kim, who has the most famous of the body of the Kardashians—or at least, has the most seen body of the Kardashians, thanks to her video adventures with Ray J—has received the cruelest treatment from the tabloids, as she's the only one whose weight gain has ever been pointed out, thanks to blow-by-blow coverage of her pregnancy. According to the tabloids, she's gained about 150 lbs halfway through her gestation.

September 9, 2009: Also featured in the "Get thin fast" article, but there's no number value

January 6, 2010: "How I lost 15 lbs!" -15

May 26, 2010: "Lose 12 lbs. in 3 weeks" -12

December 29, 2010: "Gained and lost 10 pounds in three weeks" +10/-10

February 16, 2011: "How Kim lost 10 pounds" -10

May 9, 2012: "Drops 15 lbs for Kanye" -15

March 6, 2013: "65 pound weight gain" +65

March 20, 2013: "Blowing up to 200 lbs" +85

April 3, 2013: "Dumped at 200 lbs"

April 10, 2013: "Now up to 205 lbs" +5

TOTAL LOSS OF 62 POUNDS

TOTAL GAIN OF 165

In total: the Kardashians lost 431.

658 pounds, in all, were discussed.