There is now, thanks to the dual triumph of American gluttony AND ingenuity, a scented candle that, when set aflame, gives off the sweet, crispy aroma of fried chicken. The hapless victims of your gifting laziness at least deserve a candle that will start a few awkward conversations and trick them into thinking there’s a raging grease fire in their kitchen.
At some point in your life, you’ll probably buy someone a candle. Or think about buying someone a candle. You don’t think you will, but shit happens and before you realize it, you’re 35-years-old and standing in front of the Yankee Candle Collection at Bed Bath & Beyond five minutes past closing time on Christmas Eve, pretending you don’t see the employee trying to politely shuffle you out the door while you decide between a vanilla candle and a toasted vanilla candle and weep silently into your palm.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
