There is now, thanks to the dual triumph of American gluttony AND ingenuity, a scented candle that, when set aflame, gives off the sweet, crispy aroma of fried chicken. The hapless victims of your gifting laziness at least deserve a candle that will start a few awkward conversations and trick them into thinking there's a raging grease fire in their kitchen.
At some point in your life, you'll probably buy someone a candle. Or think about buying someone a candle. You don't think you will, but shit happens and before you realize it, you're 35-years-old and standing in front of the Yankee Candle Collection at Bed Bath & Beyond five minutes past closing time on Christmas Eve, pretending you don't see the employee trying to politely shuffle you out the door while you decide between a vanilla candle and a toasted vanilla candle and weep silently into your palm.
If you're going to become a candle gifter, then you owe it to yourself to become an insane candle gifter, seeking out only the most exotic scents so that the friends and relatives who receive your candle largesse don't immediately dismiss the cylinder of wax you gave them as something stinky that will drip everywhere and maybe burn down their home if they don't pay attention. You want those candle recipients to say, "Wow, I've never heard of a Tadpole Jamrocket candle before," and then regard you warily from across the room.
The fried chicken candle from the company Kentucky for Kentucky is a limited-edition product for people who want to drive dieting relatives crazy — it gives off a smell of frying chicken thanks to the candle alchemy of Kathy Werking, who fried chicken in soy wax and added some "family secrets" (bits of people, no doubt) to achieve that real fried chicken smell.
Image via Darryl Brooks / Shutterstock.