If anyone knows of a micropeen whose dream is to sashay around on a stage, showing off their goods or lack thereof, the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is looking for eligible contestants for its third annual competition. In a society where gigantic meat cannons are the ones usually celebrated, the pageant is a space for the little guys to get some love too. Contestants will be participating in an evening wear segment, swimsuit competition and a talent portion. My question is, are the men showing off their talents or will it be their dicks doing the work, à la Puppetry of the Penis?

The pageant will take place at Kings County Saloon in Bushwick on June 13, according to Gothamist. There will be measuring of the compact cocks so if anyone with a giant dong is thinking of stealing their thunder, you shan’t be successful. Apparently that has happened in the past. I wonder if a vaudeville hook just came out and swooped that big dick off of the stage.

A sponsor of the event is ShipADick.com, a website that lets you send a cardboard dique to anyone you wish. There’s even themed ones, like a shark dick, spooky dicks and even the Turdicken, which is perfect for when Thanksgiving rolls around.

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As for the pageant’s big little winner, he will receive $500, a crown, sash and a wonderful anecdote to horrify their grandchildren with in years to come.

Image via Shutterstock.


Contact the author at marie.lodi@jezebel.com.