Bill Gates Thinks Beef Tendons Are the Future of Condom Technology

Condoms
are a cheap, simple solution to a whole host of problems. And yet,
trying to talk men worldwide into using them is worse than trying to get a
sleeping bag back in its original packaging. Which is why back in March,
Bill and Melinda Gates—two cool parents who just want you to know
that you can come to them with any questions, no matter how
embarrassing—announced a contest for researchers ready to pioneer the
future of condom tech.

Well, the New York Times reports that the results are now in. The pair’s foundation has picked 11
winners from among 812 applicants, each of whom gets $100,000 in grant
money, with the promise of up to $1 million more if they can actually make these ideas happen.

Perhaps
the most fascinating entry comes from Apex Medical Technologies, which has designed a next-gen condom designed to feel like skin, made from “collagen fibers from cows’ Achilles tendons or possibly fish skin.” According to the Times:

“They’re
unbelievably strong,” said Mr. McGlothlin, who currently gets beef
tendon from a Vietnamese grocery. “I could yank all day and not break
this thing.”

All day, ladies! All day.

Other
winning proposals include a “wrapping condom” made of polyethylene
plastic (it’s basically Saran Wrap for your hard-on), a
“one-size-fits-all” model with shape memory, and a condom will pull tabs
designed to be applied in a single motion. You know, so you don’t have to pause mid-foreplay and screw around with a latex baggie for 10 minutes.