Benedict Cumberbatch Will Present At This Year's Oscars; You Will DIE

Benedict Cumberbatch will present at the 2014 Academy Awards, along with Amy Adams, Samuel L. Jackson, Jim Carrey and a lot of other big name celebs. But who cares if Jesus Christ himself sets foot on that stage because CUMBERBATCH WILL BE THERE.

He will appear as flawlessly beautiful as a Greek god, wearing a perfectly tailored tuxedo that will cause honey flavored tears to flow from your eyes. During the presentation, he will stop in mid-speech and say that he just can’t do this anymore. Then, he will float off the stage, racing like a winged horse to the door of your apartment, which he will fling open demanding you come away with him forever. He will take you to a secret island in Carribean, where you will spend the rest of your life doing nothing but making sweet, beautiful sandy beach love to him and listening to him read poetry to you in the Smaug voice.

OK, no, he’s not going to do any of that. That will probably never happen.Ever. Sorry to get your hopes up. But at least we can be about 94.7 percent sure it will be the actual Cumberbatch showing up for this, and not his teen Doppelganger.

This is the part of the post where I write some random facts around the topic and you completely tune out because you’re too busy Googling for Cumberbatch pictures and could give two shits what I’m trying to explain to you. (Yeah. I know you guys.) It’s OK, though. I totally forgive you. For the rest of you who care about important journalist, here’s the complete list of everyone who will be presenting at this year’s Oscar ceremony, courtesy of On The Red Carpet, and it has some pretty cool names on it (Channing Tatum! Kevin Spacey! KERRY WASHINGTON!)

Amy Adams
Kristen Bell
Jessica Biel
Jim Carrey
Glenn Close
Bradley Cooper
Penélope Cruz
Benedict Cumberbatch
Viola Davis
Daniel Day-Lewis
Robert De Niro
Zac Efron
Sally Field
Harrison Ford
Jamie Foxx
Andrew Garfield
Jennifer Garner
Whoopi Goldberg
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Anne Hathaway
Goldie Hawn
Chris Hemsworth
Kate Hudson
Samuel L. Jackson
Angelina Jolie
Michael B. Jordan
Anna Kendrick
Jennifer Lawrence
Matthew McConaughey
Ewan McGregor
Bill Murray
Kim Novak
Tyler Perry
Brad Pitt
Sidney Poitier
Gabourey Sidibe
Will Smith
Kevin Spacey
Jason Sudeikis
Channing Tatum
Charlize Theron
John Travolta
Christoph Waltz
Kerry Washington
Emma Watson
Naomi Watts

The Oscars are March 2—that’s this Sunday, you guys!)—at 7 p.m. EST. I’m rooting for a Cumberbatch sweep in all awards. (They can do that, right?)