Awkward Sex at Your Family’s House Is What the Holidays Are All About

Being a grown-ass adult and having hushed, fumbling sex in your childhood bedroom (or what’s left of it after your parents turned it into an opium den with a sex swing and four different colors of lava lamp) beautifully encapsulates the holiday season, a time of year when a bunch of people with long histories of being terrible to each other get together and pretend as if nothing untoward is happening. But untoward stuff is happening all over the place, and the ancient cat still prowling around your parents house is watching all of it, making notes for a memoir entitled, “My People, or How I Became an Inveterate Carpet Vomiter.”