Australians Claim to Have Invented Hangover-Free Beer

You know what was cute? That period of time in my early 20s when I thought, smugly, that I “just didn’t get hangovers.” I was just the one lucky superhuman anomaly whose body wasn’t affected by glugging tons and tons of garbage-poison! What can I say? IT’S A GIFT. Don’t hate me because I’m not cry-barfing in the morning!

That all changed, obviously, somewhere around age 24. Now, at 31, I can’t even walk past the Zzzquil without being horizontal for two days. So, I suppose, the concept of “hangover-free” beer is something I can get behind. And that’s just what Australian scientists claim they’ve come up with—it’s beer with extra electrolytes.

ABC reports that the refreshing booze was brewed up by nutrition researchers at Griffith University’s Health Institute. They manipulated the electrolyte levels of two commercial beers (one light and one regular strength) and gave them to people after a rigorous workout. The results showed that the adjusted light beer was up to three times more hydrating than regular beer.

“We know that beer is a very popular drink with people, particularly after … sport or exertion,” associate professor Ben Desbrow told ABC. “From our perspective it’s about exploring harm minimization approaches that may still allow people to potentially drink beer as a beverage but lower the risks associated with the alcohol consumption — and hopefully improve rehydration potential.”

So, basically…it’s like extra janky beer with Hangover Sprite built in? Couldn’t you just buy some Select 55 and dump Gatorade in it? I mean, JK, I’m in favor of anything that keeps people from barfing up their own livers to death. Although I don’t know if it’ll catch on—in my experience, people really really enjoy “the risks associated with the alcohol consumption.” I.e. wastedness.