Attention, Parents: You Are Not Allowed to Make 'Sleepunders' a Thing

Sleepovers are a pretty big part of growing up. They give you an opportunity to socialize, eat pizza and learn to navigate the manipulative cruelty of the real world where someone could dip your hand in warm water to make you pee at literally ANY TIME. But some jerkball parents are coming around to ruin all of that with some bullshit version of the slumber party that they’re calling the “sleepunder.”

Why is it called that? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA BECAUSE THERE’S NO SLEEPING ABOUT IT. Basically, kids come over to their friends house, put on pajamas, hangout and then leave the very same evening. Dudes, that’s just hanging out in loungewear, which is what I do every day as soon as I get home and can take my jeans off.

From the Inquirer:

In many households, it’s lights out for the traditional sleepover. Instead, more families are opting for sleepunders – a surprisingly controversial phenomenon that has raised the eyebrows of some parenting experts even as sleep specialists rejoice.

The idea is simple enough: Children do everything they might at a sleepover, down to changing into PJs. But instead of staying the night, they return home to sleep snug in their own beds, and wake up the following day, presumably rested and un-cranky.

Huh? Not sleeping is half the fun. Instead of sleeping, you eat candy and play truth-or-dare, which, we can mostly agree, is way better than having your mom pick you up at 10pm to take you home to eat mashed potatoes and sleep on your back or whatever it is that the kids of traditional families do. (I wouldn’t know. My parents are DIVORCED so I could stay up all night.)

Obviously, this is more for the parents than it is for the kids. Most folks don’t really want a living room full of screaming tween girls all night, but come on, grown-ups! Toughen the fuck up. Do you really want to be the person who raises the kid who cries their entire freshman year of college because they’ve neverslept away from home before? NO. You want to be the person who raises the kid who will NEVER shy away from eating a gross mystery mixture once her friends dare her to.