Internet folk hero Antoine Dodson, most recently seen slow jamming and pissing off his legions of fans by supporting Chik-fil-A, has apparently renounced his homosexuality for religious reasons. Do you hear that? No, it’s not the sound of a rapist crashing through a bedroom window in the Lincoln Park Projects — it’s the sound of your heart shattering into a million pieces.
According to Dodson’s Facebook page, the shining YouTube star has decided that he’s “no longer into homosexuality.” His explanation is long and riddled with allusions to Israel:
I have to renounce myself, I'm no longer into homosexuality I want a wife and family, I want to multiply and raise and love my family that I create. I could care less about the fame and fortune, I've giving all that up to know the true history of the bible. For I am the True Chosen Hebrew Israelite descendant of Judah. And as True Israel I know that there are certain things we just can't do. And I totally understand that now. I don't need a Mercedes Benz, I don't need a big house in Beverly Hills all I need is the Most High and my family (Israel). I have been awaken by the great and so should you. Let's be delivered from the wickedness of the world and live the way we should. The Most High bless all and have a beautiful evening. Israel wake up and take full power of who you are. I'm ready are you?
That bit about not needing material possessions is pretty good, I guess, and Dodson really is the only person who can determine how he wants to live his life, but why does being a “True Chosen Hebrew Israelite descendant of Judah” preclude being gay? That Old Testament god seems awfully narrow-minded for a supreme being, just saying.
Image via AP, Bob Farley