Adult Wants Kids to Stop Sexting and Start Sending Love Poems

In “this will never work in a hundred million years or in any other dimension or astral plane” news, the UK’s Education Secretary Michael Gove is suggesting kids ditch the dick pics in favor of tender sonnets about budding love and mutual respect. Good luck with that!

“Technology does not have to mean that expression becomes clumsier,” said Gove. To that end, he’s encouraging kids to use a new app called “The Love Book”, which allows young dry humpers to record themselves reading poetry. Then, they send this poetry to their intended and hearts soar and panties drop.

This is all fine and dandy, but you have to wonder how long it’ll be before these poems are just rhyming “tit pic” and “rub my dick”? (With accompanying photographs, naturally.) I give it about ten nanoseconds.