Image via EW/ABC.

The first images of the upcoming Dirty Dancing remake that no one asked for but ABC is aggressively delivering anyway were released this week, and they look a lot like what you’d expect a 2017 made-for-TV production of a 1987 movie about the ‘60s to look like. This can roughly be described as something out of a community theater in a wealthy neighborhood whose residents know Abigail Breslin, Debra Messing, and Bruce Greenwood well enough to ask them for a favor.

Breslin will play Baby in the remake, which will be three hours long, and a man I’ve never heard of will play Johnny. Greenwood and Messing will co-star as Baby’s uptight parents (perfect casting, if you ask me), while Modern Family’s Sarah Hyland will have the honor of being Lisa because casting for these types of network TV events is all about synergy. Nicole Scherzinger is also involved, but I’ve already forgotten what this sentence was supposed to be about.

I’m most assuredly not having the time of my life looking at these photos, but you might.*

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Oh, but one quick thing before we get down to business. Did it ever bug the hell out of anyone else that Baby and Johnny dance to a song that was clearly produced in the late ‘80s... in 1963? Whatever. This thing premieres May 24.

*You won’t.


Image via ABC.
Image via ABC.