Watch The Dirtiest, Most Twisted Kittens Reenact Scandal

For tonight's squee, we're doing things a little differently. Instead of reminding you how adorable kittens are, I'm going to do you a favor and tell you the truth: Kittens are evil, devious political monsters who claw and scratch and have purrfectly inappropriate sexual encounters. AND THEY'RE ADORABLE. There, I said… » 9/23/14 8:30pm Today 8:30pm

​Polaris Prize-Winning Throat Singer Thinks You Should Eat More Seal

Tanya Tagaq is one badass woman. The Inuk singer who hails from the Cambridge Bay in Nunavut just won the $30K Polaris Music Prize, Canada's annual award for the best full-length album (basically Canada's Mercury Prize) for her latest release, Animism. She beat out Arcade Fire, Timber Timbre, Shad, Drake, Mac DeMarco,… » 9/23/14 7:00pm Today 7:00pm

Mom's Evangelical Christian Rewrite of Harry Potter CANNOT Be Real

Exciting news from the fan fiction world! A writer who claims to be an Evangelical stay-at-home mom named Grace Ann has taken it upon herself to remove all the witchcraft devil-worship from Harry Potter and replace it with a more Christian-friendly message. Looks like someone has finally thought of the children — by… » 9/23/14 6:45pm Today 6:45pm

Marvel Cancels Artist's Upcoming Covers After Spider-Woman Butt Fiasco

The comic book industry is not particularly well-known for portraying women in a non- insanely-sexualized manner (you can't fight crime without a boob window, as we have all observed over the years). Even given that, a recent Spider-Woman cover somehow managed to slink under the world's already-low expectations with… » 9/23/14 5:45pm Today 5:45pm

Seven Valuable Pieces of Advice Just for Teenage Girls

There comes a day when you realise you cannot continue as the child you are now — fashioned in an unfashionable decade by your poor parents, and at a time when they were inadvisably discombobulated by Caesarian stitches, fundamental disagreements with their own parents, retrospectively laughable hair-cuts, and utter… » 9/23/14 5:30pm Today 5:30pm

Breaking: Three-Boobed Woman Straps on a Prosthesis of Lies

There is a time in every person's life when their dreams come crashing to the ground, shattering into tiny shards that can never be put back together, not even with bitter tears. For you, that day is today: The woman with three breasts is a fraud. Her mythical breasts a disgusting hoax. » 9/23/14 5:15pm Today 5:15pm

'I'm Shmacked' Kicks Its Rape Threat-Making Cofounder to the Curb

Some of you may recall the tragic tale of the tantrum of Arya Toufanian, the college party mogul who mere months ago acted foolish to a degree that should embarrass other people his age. Well, apparently his douchebaggery was too much for a site that glorifies the sort of college partying that would be grimly called a… » 9/23/14 4:45pm Today 4:45pm

Karl Lagerfeld Slapped His Cat's Name on Some Tacky Accessories

Karl Lagerfeld has borrowed on his cat Choupette's star power for a line of clothing and accessories coming this fall. Unfortunately, it is nothing I want. (As though I would pony up hard-earned American currency for cat-inspired designer items in the first place, when there are perfectly good Etsy stores.) (Yeah, I… » 9/23/14 4:30pm Today 4:30pm