Surprise: GOP Candidate Preaches Abstinence, Teen Daughter Is Pregnant

A hearty Mazel Tov (a blessing on your head!) to Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, whose staunch support of abstinence-only education will soon bear delicious fruit from the tree of poetic justice: His 17-year-old unmarried daughter is pregnant and expecting a baby any day now! Good work, everyone! Let's all go home! » 7/10/14 6:45pm 13 minutes ago

Don't Freak Out: This Is Not a Tarantula (But It Is AMAZING)

What you're looking at is not a tarantula. I know that might be hard to believe as you hyperventilate in your computer seat or while checking your phoneon the train (I don't know your life), but what's actually happening is much much cooler. And much less scary. » 7/10/14 6:15pm 43 minutes ago

1-800-FLOWERS Teams Up with Robin Thicke for Worst Promotion Ever

Guys. GUYS. Who would you say is currently the number-one name in romance? Acceptable answers to that question include: Literally anyone but Robin Thicke. And so why, in the name of St. Valentine, is 1-800-FLOWERS.com currently holding a big promotion with the world's saddest-sack dirtbag? » 7/10/14 5:45pm Today 5:45pm

Democrats Introduce Bill to Reverse the Horrible Hobby Lobby Ruling

In the aftermath of the Supreme Court supremely sucking, Democrats in the House and Senate are fighting back in order to protect the contraception access of all women — even those who work for companies run by morons who are terrified of female reproductive autonomy. » 7/10/14 5:00pm Today 5:00pm

BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now Fuckable

Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news,… » 7/10/14 4:00pm Today 4:00pm

Japanese 'Zoo Jeans' Are Ripped and Distressed by Actual Lions

WELL HERE IS A SITUATION. I can't tell how much of this is real and how much is just a viral publicity stunt (it's both, I guess), but apparently someone wrapped a bunch of balls and tires in denim and then threw them into zoo enclosures to be gnawed and shredded by lions, tigers, and bears, and then took that denim… » 7/10/14 3:20pm Today 3:20pm

Here Is a Psychologist Who Will Help You Deal With 'Mom Shaming'

The minute you even consider getting knocked up, the fraught decisions begin: Where will you park the kid during work hours? Should you find a more flexible job? Can you live on anything less than a full-time salary? Is it more cost-effective to stay at home for a couple of years? Meanwhile you're swarmed (and maybe… » 7/10/14 2:40pm Today 2:40pm

Interrupted Sleep Might As Well Be Barely Any Sleep at All

Finally, a justification for your deep, abiding hatred of the night-owl neighbors who won't turn down their godforsaken TV set: Interrupted sleep is damn near just as bad as outright sleep deprivation. Might as well just get out of bed and read The Goldfinch until they shut up at 3 a.m. » 7/10/14 1:20pm Today 1:20pm

White Lady Drives Mercedes to Pick Up Food Stamps; Chaos Ensues

Darlena Cunha had it so good in 2008 for a white woman from an affluent suburb with a college degree: She and her husband earned $120k, twins on the way, a house worth $250k. Then the market crashed, husband lost his (journalism) job, and the preemies needed costly formula. Their solid middle class income now clocked… » 7/10/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm

White Lady Drives Mercedes to Pick Up Food Stamps; Chaos Ensues

Darlena Cunha had it so good in 2008 for a white woman from an affluent suburb with a college degree: She and her husband earned $120k, twins on the way, a house worth $250k. Then the market crashed, husband lost his (journalism) job, and the preemies needed costly formula. Their solid middle class income now clocked… » 7/10/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm