Naked Woman Running The Streets Was 'Tripping Balls' According to Cops

Melissa Valencia, arrested for traipsing through the streets of Fayetteville, Arkansas, will likely regret her decision to use acid at her boyfriend's house this week. Partly because everyone has cameras now (especially the police) and partly because the official police report says she was "tripping balls." » 7/10/14 8:30pm 47 minutes ago

Ryan Gosling Might Stop Making Movies Now that He's Making Babies

Someone dug up a quote from Ryan Gosling from 2011 in which he stated that he's only making movies until he starts "making babies." So, now that Eva Mendes is pretty much probably mostly almost totally confirmed to be preggo, does that mean the Goz's film career is winding down? (I mean, no. Almost certainly not.… » 7/10/14 8:00pm Today 8:00pm

These Deceptive Insult Cards Are the Best Thing You Will See Today

Ever want to piss someone off before you make them the happiest person alive? Of course you do; because if you make someone a little bit unhappy before you make them happy, the intense feeling of relief will actually make them even more elated. That is a mind hack and one that these greeting cards employ better than… » 7/10/14 7:15pm Today 7:15pm

Surprise: GOP Candidate Preaches Abstinence, Teen Daughter Is Pregnant

A hearty Mazel Tov (a blessing on your head!) to Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, whose staunch support of abstinence-only education will soon bear delicious fruit from the tree of poetic justice: His 17-year-old unmarried daughter is pregnant and expecting a baby any day now! Good work, everyone! Let's all go home! » 7/10/14 6:45pm Today 6:45pm

Don't Freak Out: This Is Not a Tarantula (But It Is AMAZING)

What you're looking at is not a tarantula. I know that might be hard to believe as you hyperventilate in your computer seat or while checking your phoneon the train (I don't know your life), but what's actually happening is much much cooler. And much less scary. » 7/10/14 6:15pm Today 6:15pm

1-800-FLOWERS Teams Up with Robin Thicke for Worst Promotion Ever

Guys. GUYS. Who would you say is currently the number-one name in romance? Acceptable answers to that question include: Literally anyone but Robin Thicke. And so why, in the name of St. Valentine, is 1-800-FLOWERS.com currently holding a big promotion with the world's saddest-sack dirtbag? » 7/10/14 5:45pm Today 5:45pm

Democrats Introduce Bill to Reverse the Horrible Hobby Lobby Ruling

In the aftermath of the Supreme Court supremely sucking, Democrats in the House and Senate are fighting back in order to protect the contraception access of all women — even those who work for companies run by morons who are terrified of female reproductive autonomy. » 7/10/14 5:00pm Today 5:00pm

BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now Fuckable

Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news,… » 7/10/14 4:00pm Today 4:00pm

White Lady Drives Mercedes to Pick Up Food Stamps; Chaos Ensues

Darlena Cunha had it so good in 2008 for a white woman from an affluent suburb with a college degree: She and her husband earned $120k, twins on the way, a house worth $250k. Then the market crashed, husband lost his (journalism) job, and the preemies needed costly formula. Their solid middle class income now clocked… » 7/10/14 1:00pm Today 1:00pm