Sandra Fluke is a Spoiled Brat Because of Pakistan, According to Newspaper ColumnistS

The Taliban's attempt to assasinate 14-year-old equal education rights advocate Malala Yousafzai has caused us to reflect on the teenager's unbelievable strength and courage. But Malala's near-death experience had a different effect on Philadelphia Daily News's Christine M. Flowers, who has taken the irrational but well-meaning refrain of moms everywhere to "eat all of your dinner because children are starving in Africa" to a whole new (and nonsensical) level: she argues that Sandra Fluke is an entitled brat who makes Flowers ashamed to "call herself a woman" due to her support for contraceptive coverage — sorry, we mean, her "simpering demands and outstretched hands."

Maybe Flowers lost a bet and had to try and tie Malala and Sandra together in a column as punishment? We can't think of any other rational explanation for this mess:

Sandy has spent so much time this summer and fall drumming up sympathy for her condom crusade that she probably hasn't heard about this Pakistani woman, really just a child of 14, who was shot in the head last week by an enraged group of Taliban soldiers.

Right. Sandra Fluke is so busy popping birth control like Tic Tacs (a time-consuming endeavor!) that she has no time to read the news or do anything else but have sex. Lots of unsafe, premarital sex.

Perhaps Sandra Fluke might learn a few important lessons from Salim [Flowers' Pakistani friend, who is hopefully not her friend anymore after reading this column, in which she majorly exploits her "friend's" life experiences.] She could put down her torts-and-contracts books for a few minutes and look into my friend's beautiful blue eyes, listen to him talk about American promise and opportunity, see his brilliant teenager and reflect on the message she's been trying to sell us for the past contentious months.

Freedom only goes so far, you guys. A woman's right to an education — Malala's chief cause — has nothing to do with reproductive choice! It's not like the Guttmacher Institute recently released a study that found more than half of women said contraception "had a significant impact on their lives, allowing them to take better care of themselves or their families (63%), support themselves financially (56%), complete their education (51%), or keep or get a job (50%)." Oh, hmmmmm.

For all of its superficial imperfections, this country loves its women. It gives us ample space to develop interests and skills, respects our right to earn an education, demands that we be treated equally at work and in the sports world, and even legislates creatively so we can do whatever we want with our reproductive parts.

There's an awesome new slogan for the Romney/Ryan campign! "Vote for Us: We'll Legislate Creatively." Also, I wouldn't call the gender wage gap a "superficial imperfection," but maybe that's just me.

But for Sandy, that wasn't enough. She and her like-minded friends wanted all of this, plus free birth control. They wanted to make the rest of the country believe that women were being "raped" when they submitted to a legitimate medical procedure. They screamed bloody murder when the highest court of the land said you couldn't dismember an infant and call that "choice."

Wait, what? Sandra Fluke wants to dismember infants? I didn't know she was starring in a new horror movie, but I guess Halloween is coming up.

Malala Yousafzai lies in a coma, because she wanted to go to school. Sandra Fluke earns accolades because she wants the government to subsidize her love life. Someone needs a reality check.

Yes, Christine. Someone definitely does need a reality check. You, and your editor, for writing and running a column that's not only incoherent but actually offensive in terms of everything that Malala stands and risked her life for.

Christine M. Flowers: Some women don't know how good they have it [Philadelphia Daily News]