Comment of the Day: An Internal Memo to All TSA Agents

Ari Schwartz: The Dark Lord of Snark has done some really brilliant investigative journalism by finding this internal TSA memo proving that the TSA is probably just a little out of touch:

Internal memo to all TSA agents:

Note: if you are the designated “reader” in each TSA office, please initiate the weekly gather-round early for the sake of your official TSA bud-buds. We all depend on each other, for realsies!

It has come to TSA attention that some of our esteemed colleagues in Seattle may have done a boo-boo to one of Lord Baal’s subjects attempting to gain entry to the gates of privilege. While we understand the urge to keep the sheeple in a state of catatonia, we ask that you use discretion. Therefore, we are applying the following new rules:

1. If a medically sensitive passenger seeks to board, do not directly damage or in any way alter their medical equipment. If the equipment “happens to fall” then you cannot be held responsible, and you get to keep the sickies off the plane. Win-win!

2. Please keep all potentially invasive searches to private quarters. That way you can be EXTRA SUPER DUPER invasive!

3. If at all possible, consider the person’s race. Are they white and clearly not a threat? Try to search them as much as possible. We have to look “fair.” Are they middle eastern or otherwise of the darker persuasion? Search them until they weep sweet terrorist tears. Lord Baal loves their tears.

Finally, please continue to make flying as uncomfortable and miserable for all those involved while also ensuring that our great and mighty organization cannot be incriminated in any way. Our march toward domination continues. Lord Baal will rise again, minions!

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