University of Michigan Senior Wants to Protect All You 'Princesses' from 'Hook-Up Culture'

It’s hard to be a nice guy in today’s perilous world, what with all of the ladies — sorry, “princesses” — you gotta protect from the savage dragon that is “hook-up culture.” Or at least that’s what University of Michigan senior Jeffrey McMahon is arguing in his response to a recent Michigan Daily article about hooking up on campus and female empowerment.

McMahon is well-intentioned, sure. But that’s no excuse for his op-ed, which is basically a primer on how not to be a feminist ally. See how he:

Assumes that only men want to have casual sex and that doing so always means they’re defiling us delicate flowers:

Where are the real men while this is happening to women? What are we up to while girls are pushed to look for fulfillment shot by shot, wearing barely more than a bathing suit? Sure, we can claim that it’s not all our fault. Popular media tells us that using women and putting notches on our bedposts make us real men. It’s no longer honorable for men to consider women precious and something to be honored and cherished rather than possessed and used.

Infantalizes women:

Men, the women on campus are all vulnerable. They’re away from their homes and families and are now in our care. So far we’ve done nothing but put them in harm’s way and exploit them. It’s time to take a stand and become real men.

Assumes that all women who want to have no-strings-attached sex have daddy issues:

Sadly, not all of the young women on campus grew up in a home with parents to look up to. It’s likely that some of them do have a father, but one who might have been absent or even abusive. In this case, we all have the opportunity to be real men. The opportunity is there to show her what it means to be a man of strength, integrity, compassion and conviction.

Calls women princesses, FOR FUCK’S SAKE:

Each woman on this campus is someone’s princess.

Hey girl, don’t give up if you can’t find your heteronormative prince:

Girls, each of you is amazing and worthwhile. Each of you deserves to be treated with love and respect from the men around you. There are true men in the world, even on campus. College certainly doesn’t have to be a place to find a husband, but you can still surround yourself with friends who cherish your heart.

OH MY GOD PLEASE SHUT UP:

If you’re looking for a relationship, find someone who will protect you. If you’re going out with the girls, wear something that forces a man to get to know your heart and not just your body. You’re treasured and there’s a man who will call you his princess, who will protect you and keep you safe. Don’t settle for anything less. Beauty will fade, but the desires of the heart last a lifetime and can only be fulfilled by the same kind of lifetime commitment.