Your body needs sleep, otherwise, you'll turn into an obese monster with a penchant for Frito ham sandwiches at midnight and an outstanding balance on your special Shamwow credit card that Vince Offer sent you himself after you ordered so many Shanmwows that you helped him keep up with mortgage payments on his condo in Pensacola. But don't get too much sleep! Jesus, are you fucking out of your mind? If you get too much sleep, your body gets too indolent, and the next thing you know, you wake up four hours late for work on Monday, lose your job, and have to move in with your Uncle Ralph, who demands that, in lieu of rent, you sing to his canary, Brutus, and also itemize his hockey card collection.
Jezebel · Doug Barry
This is what January Jones looked like when she was nine. First things first — where is that shirt sold and how much will it…
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