Physicians Advise Offering IUDs to Teenagers Because Duh

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology has issued a new guideline suggesting that IUDs and contraceptive implants should be offered to teenage patients. The group says that long-acting, reversible contraceptive methods have much higher success rates than short-acting methods (like condoms, patches, rings, TUMS, trampolines, bug-zappers, crossing the path of a widow on a full moon, and just pulling out and spraying it wherever such as the floor or cat), and thus could have a major impact on unwanted teenage pregnancies.

Via ABC:

“This recommendation is timely and essential,” says Dr. Ellen Rome, head of the Center for Adolescent Medicine at Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital. “Long-acting reversible contraceptive methods are twice as effective as shorter acting contraceptive methods at reducing teen pregnancy and could make a significant impact in preventing the 750,000 teen pregnancies occurring annually in the United States alone.”

Despite the sobering stats on teen pregnancy, many doctors do not offer long-acting methods to teens as their first option for birth control, possibly due to misconceptions about these options.

Oh for fuck’s sake. Why are we, as a universe, still so poorly educated about birth control? It is reeeeeeally not that complicated. Just pick a birth control, do the birth control, and no babies come out. Done. I remember mastering this whole thing in like 7th grade when my mom made me take an extracurricular sex-ed class called “Growing Up Female,” because apparently regular sex-ed wasn’t groaningly interactive enough (STILL MORTIFIED, BTW). And the internet didn’t even exist back then! I mean, I guess I can understand kids sleeping through health class (even though, you guys, they’re talking about genitals), and I know that plenty of kids are forced to grow up in culturally barren wastelands where abstinence-only loons hold sway, but do we really have to put up with doctors having “misconceptions” about birth control? In 2012?

Phelps told the story of one young woman who had her IUD removed when she broke up with her boyfriend because her doctor said IUDs could only be used by women in monogamous relationships. The woman became pregnant and had an abortion.

Oh, great job, geniuses. I am so bored of this preposterous “debate” about the morality and function contraception. Seriously, right-wing nutjobs spreading lies about birth control—if you really want to blame someone for the “genocide” of America’s precious fetal-clumps, blame yourselves. Because that lady’s abortion is on YOUR report card, not mine. Right next to your D in health and your F in human decency.