Here are graphic photos of Kourtney Kardashian birthing her new child Penelope Scotland Disick, which are screenshots of the televised delivery from the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians yesterday. And all of the Kardashians were there (even brother Rob), and you were there, and you were there, and Kanye West was there. Click at your own risk, or if you’re a doula’s apprentice, or if you just want to learn things (Khloe: “Kourtney just loves to pull out her own children”). And so she does! See above.
In related news, The Truman Show is real, and it’s worse than we thought. Keep up with the Kardashians so you don’t get placed in the small rural quarantine area designated for those 5-or-so folks who don’t keep up with the Kardashians. [Daily Mail]
Kim Kardashian got a cartoonishly cute white Teacup Persian kitten NOT from Kourtney Kardashian’s vagina and named it “Mercy” after a Kanye West song. [Us Weekly]
The joyride is officially over: Amanda Bynes was once again pulled over in Los Angeles on Sunday, but this time, the cops impounded her black BMW when they ran her license and found that it was suspended (although, really, all they had to do was recognize Amanda Bynes). She got a misdemeanor ticket. Thus concludes the Bynes-starring version of Drive, featuring Baja Fresh in Albert Brooks’ role. [TMZ]
Lindsay Lohan asks an inspired question about this Bynes vehicular transgression kerfuffle:
The final two frontrunners for an upcoming Anna Nicole Smith Lifetime biopic are Jenny McCarthy and Christina Hendricks, the latter who “looks strikingly similar” to the tragic Playmate in a blonde wig. James Cromwell of Six Feet Under and, more notably, Babe (!!) is set to play J. Howard Marshall, Smith’s billionaire husband who was 62 years her senior. [Express]
Seth MacFarlane did a more than halfway decent Ryan Lochte mumble on the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. “Man, it feels so weird to be dry.” [Just Jared]
- Kelly Osbourne kicks paparazzos. [Monsters And Critics]
- Brad Pitt likes to clean his house when Angelina’s on her international goodwill tours. [TVNZ]
- Isla Fisher’s joined up with Arrested Development, yeeee! [Vulture]
- On that note, NICK CANNON BLUED HIMSELF. More specifically, “some of the trio’s signature azure body paint was accidentally wiped onto the back of Cannon’s $4,000 all-white suit” on the set of America’s Got Talent, and he frrrreaked out. [Page Six]
- A little more than a year after her death, Amy Winehouse’s family buried her ashes in North London. [The Sun]
- Maroon 5’s Adam Levine got kicked out of a Korean gym for his tattoos. [People]
- Modern Family’s Eric Stonestreet was escorted out of an L.A. Dodgers game after getting into a verbal altercation with a Cardinals fan. [TMZ]
- After discovering that their lunch was being snapped by the paparazzi, Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield made cute little signs about charities. [E! Online]
- Catherine Zeta-Jones has been giving Michael Douglas some tips on how to kiss Matt Damon in Behind The Candelabra. [Times of India]
- Holy shit, Gwyneth Paltrow ATE PIZZA. [The Sun]
- “Let’s put aside all of the issues that come with being a celebrity and having married someone that people don’t approve of. You have at-home problems with communication, with understanding of how things go. It is hard being married.” Usher discussed his bitter divorce with Tameka Foster. [Us Weekly]
- After Tweeting that Rihanna’s “We Found Love” would “never get old” for her, Snooki got an offer from Ri-Ri herself to babysit Lorenzo. [Us Weekly]
- Lady Gaga walked around London wearing whatever the fuck this is, on her head. [People]
- Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has expressed sympathy for Kate Middleton’s privacy breach. Ferguson is no stranger to topless shots either: some 20 years ago, she was shot during a “racy holiday.” [People]
- After months of “will they or won’t they,” it is official: Nicki Minaj and Keith Urban are joining Mariah Carey on American Idol [NYDN]
- Meanwhile, Will.i.am is joining The X-Factor as a mentor. [THR]
- Zac Efron smoked a bunch of cigarettes. [Page Six]
- A source says that Geri Halliwell feels “humiliated” about her brief thing with playboy Russell Brand. [News.com.au]