Values Voters Would Love it if Ladies Could Refrain From Dressing Like Whores

In case you’re wondering why your guy who normally sells you ecstasy is plum out of pills, here’s why: it’s Values Voters Summit time. And at the Value Voters Summit, they’ve been handing out some helpful pamphlets about how ladies should maybe consider dressing less slutty, lest they drive men to madness with uncontrollable lust. “Go home and put some clothes on!” said a real thing in 2012 that wasn’t a joke.

This weekend, gay marriage hatin’, embryo-lovin’, sex shunnin’, g-droppin’ social conservatives gather together for their annual convention where they talk about how everything’s going to shit and how America needs more Jesus. But not, like, hippie Jesus who loves poor people and hangs out with hookers and the downtrodden and turns the other cheek and loves his neighbor as he loves himself. America Jesus. The Jesus who is totally cool with war but really doesn’t like strappy tank tops.

In the pamphlet, spotted by Think Progress, the same people who think there should be a constitutional amendment barring the implementation of sharia law in the US have no problem promoting an organization that urges women to “go home and put some clothes on!” if they wear clothing that’s too revealing to church. Slutty clothes, you see, force men to look at women lustfully. Here’s an excerpt from one pamphlet:

“My men’s bible study group talks frequently about controlling our lust, thoughts, and eyes. Yes the problem and responsibility are ours, but is it really reasonable for the women of the church to make it THIS difficult for us?”

Translation: you fucking whores are asking for it.

If men are Biblically designed to be leaders, then why were they made with such an obvious bug that prevents them from doing anything around the sight of boobies? Guess we’ll have to wait until the next Values Voters Summit to find out.