Maybe you’ve heard dark whispers of the Candy Corn Oreo. It’s a “limited edition” seasonal Oreo only available at Target—an Oreo cookie, see, but it tastes like a candy corn. Because god knows, there’s nothing the people crave more than fucking candy corn! I know my family and friends can’t shut UP about how much they wish all their non-candy-corn foods could taste more like candy corn. Good thing Target is on the case.
Hunting down the candy corn Oreos was…the most humiliating four hours of my life? First of all, it took four hours because I had to go to THREE TARGETS to find them. That’s three separate times that I had to walk up to a human being and say the words, “Excuse me, do you have the new Candy Corn Oreos?” And then the Target employee (specifically a surly teen, a surly teen, and an older Latina gal, in that order) looks at me and says, “……What?” and I say, “Candy Corn Oreos? You know, they’re Oreos…but…[SIIIGH]…they’re candy corn-flavored?” YOU SEE, SURLY TEENAGER, I NEED THEM FOR MY MOUTH TO MAKE THE CRYING STOP.