The major political conventions are over! Boo, say nerds. Hooray, say people who just want their regular network TV shows back and journalists who are probably exhausted from two weeks straight of talking points, hats embellished with donkeys and elephants, and stadium food. While the seemingly endless stream of vague political platitudes may have run together like the Ann Coulter’s boringly horrible tweets, the women of the Democratic National Convention broke through the mundanity with a few pointy, poignant, and piercing zingers. Here are 20 of the most byte-worthy moments, from ladies only.
Over the last six months, I’ve seen what these two futures look like. And six months from now, we’ll all be living in one, or the other. But only one. A country where our president either has our back or turns his back; a country that honors our foremothers by moving us forward, or one that forces our generation to re-fight the battles they already won; a country where we mean it when we talk about personal freedom, or one where that freedom doesn’t apply to our bodies and our voices.
We talk often about choice. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to choose.
– Sandra Fluke, birth control activist and ovaries-of-brass badass, delivered a short address that noted cunt-hater Todd Kincannon called “the most hateful, strident, angry speech” evarrrrr. Internet high five, Sandra.
First, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are correct when they say that each individual should be responsible. But their budget goes astray in not acknowledging that we are responsible not only for ourselves and our immediate families. Rather, our faith strongly affirms that we are all responsible for one another.
I am my sister’s keeper. I am my brother’s keeper.
– Sister Simone Campbell, one of the Nuns on the Bus who rode to Washington to protest Paul Ryan’s Roadmap for America, a social safety net-slashing budget plan which Catholic clergy condemned as being cruel to the poor. Campbell went on to claim that her support of the Affordable Care Act was part of her “pro life” views. I’d love to see Paul Ryan try to fight a nun.
This year women learned that if we aren’t at the table, we’re on the menu.
–Cecile Richards, President of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, sounding a lot like her mom, the late Governor Ann Richards of Texas, who at the 1988 Democratic National Convention uttered the famous phrase “Poor George, he can’t help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth” and ” Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.”
We work on macro issues and macaroni and cheese issues. When women are in the halls of power, our national debate reflects the needs and dreams of American families.
– Sen. Barbara Mikulski of Maryland, the first woman elected to the Senate outright.
Believe it or not, when we were first married, our combined monthly student loan bills were actually higher than our mortgage.
We were so young, so in love, and so in debt.
– First Lady Michelle Obama, killing every grad student couple softly with her song.
President Obama pushed for fairness in the military, listening to commanders as we ended Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and on how to allow women to officially serve in more combat jobs. Because America’s daughters are just as capable of defending liberty as her sons!
– Tammy Duckworth, former Assistant Secretary for Public and Intergovernmental Affairs in the United States Department of Veterans Affairs and the director of the Illinois Department of Veterans Affairs. Duckworth lost both her legs in Iraq, and is currently running for Congress in Illinois against incumbent Joe Walsh, an actual crazy person who is currently in a legal battle about child support payments and in the last couple of months flipped his shit about how Tammy Duckworth talks about her military service “too much.” Duckworth, who occasionally wears shirts that say “Dude, where’s my leg?” and “Lucky for me, he’s an ass man,” has responded with her normal sunny pluck. Please don’t fuck this up, Illinois.
I’m Nancy Pelosi, but my grandchildren call me Mimi. For me, politics is an extension of my role as a mother and a grandmother. For the Democratic women of the House, our work is not about the next election, but rather the next generation.
– Ex Speaker of the House Nancy “Mimi” Pelosi of California. That she has a special “grandparent nickname” makes sense — I can’t imagine anyone calling her Grandma.
Maybe 23 cents doesn’t sound like a lot to someone with a Swiss bank account, Cayman Island Investments and an IRA worth tens of millions of dollars. But Governor Romney, when we lose 23 cents every hour, every day, every paycheck, every job, over our entire lives, what we lose can’t just be measured in dollars.
– Lilly Ledbetter, equal pay activist and namesake of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, the first bill President Obama signed into law after his election.
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