Glenn Beck Pouts About How American Airlines Was Mean to Him

Glenn Beck, the media personality who made being a recovering alcoholic his on-air shtick, used his radio show Wednesday to tell his 8 million listeners that an American Airlines flight attendant was rude to him because of his political persuasion, as if Glenn Beck was the first person ever to realize that air travel is THE WORST of all our modern technological miracles.

Beck intimated that he “had a disappointing experience” on a flight from Newark to Dallas. Then he sniffled a few times into his microphone and apologized for being emotional, but it’s just that, you know, he loves America SO MUCH, and hates to see its name and avian iconography appropriated for a garbage airline that more or less slingshots passengers across the country in mostly unpainted metal fuselages. Even Spirit paints the entire airplane, you guys. Beck explained that a particular flight attendant made no secret about his disdain for the cherubic radio jockey — the flight attendant apparently only spoke a single word to Beck, but schmoozed with all the other passengers. He also slammed Beck’s sody pop down on the tray table, and kept going on about “how he was so proud of the very liberal cities in America.”

A spokesman for American said that, while the airline takes customer complaints seriously, pretty much everyone complains about flying, so they’ll be getting back to Glenn Beck in just a few weeks after the Curiosity rover uploads a video of an authentic Martian orgy.