Have you barfed yet today? Get thee to a drain of some kind before watching this video the pervs over at NBC have put together in order to show their appreciation for Olympic bodies of the 2012 London Games. Unfortunately, to NBC, showcasing the "Bodies in Motion" of the XXX Olympiad means taking footage of conventionally attractive female athletes competing in sports that require them to be scantily clad, slowing it way down as the camera lovingly caresses their butts, breasts, and bouncing ponytails, and playing some soft core porn music over it. Apparently NBC is too busy focusing on jiggling ladies' asses to notice ladies kicking ass.
You'd think that something called "Bodies in Motion" wouldn't be code for "Rejected bumper reel from The Man Show," but I guess I'm not plugged in to the hip, with it language of the youths nowadays or on board with the notion that Olympic bodies are at their most noteworthy when they're female, (mostly) white, stereotypically feminine, and thin. At least NBC's contribution to Boner Jams 2012 doesn't include any underage gymnasts.
Not every moment in the 2 and a half minute-long fap fest (which NBC innocently describes as "Spiking a volleyball, jumping off the starting block, and everything in-between. Check out these bodies in motion during the Olympic Games.") is totally gross; footage of the runners clearing hurdles is a beautiful showcase of Olympians competing in the moment for which they've spent their lives preparing. But what's the point of slowed down shots of beponytailed runners jumping up and down and blowing kisses to the crowd? Of tennis players' asses as they just stand there waiting for a serve or beach volleyball players as they encouragingly smack each other on the rear? What's with the bizarre fixation on the female ass as it clears the high bar? And what in the name of Olympian fuck is going on between 1:36 and 1:41, when one semi-anonymous field hockey ass is shown diving and flexing very slowly?
NBC's quest to win the gold medal in the sexist pig decathlon is especially disappointing when you consider the dozens of more worthwhile stories they could be showcasing with video. For example, American women have basically been carrying the medal count for Team USA; ladies are responsible for 23 of the country's 33 gold medals, and without ladies or swimming, America would only have three golds. America's women's soccer team is set to face Japan today in a rematch of the 2011 World Cup Final, which promises to be an incredible game. Where are the women's boxing highlight reels? What about women's weight lifting? What about any sport that doesn't bare midriffs, décolletage, ass cheek bottoms? Was the network having a contest to see which video producer could patch together the most embarrassingly juvenile highlight reel?
The abject inability of some Olympic photographers to refrain from objectifying female beach volleyball players is well-documented, and of course it would be naive if I didn't expect at least a few lone horndogs to make their own slow-mo Olympian appreciation videos (Lochte fans have made plenty of appreciative gifs of the swimmer, for example). But NBC is the official US broadcaster of the Olympic games; for most Americans, the only way to watch what's going on in London. And seeing a TV network treating world-class athletes as little more than tributes to boners is incredibly dismaying.