Only in America could battered, fried, poultry engender so many strong feelings. I mean, a rover is about to land and poke around on the surface of Mars, but there is an alarmingly significant segment of our population that has lost more sleep on being morally conflicted about whether or not tomorrow is the day they're going to break their personal boycott of Chick-fil-A so they can get their hands on some delicious waffle fries. On the one hand, if Chick-fil-A was your jam up until a few weeks ago when you definitely, without-a-lingering doubt realized that the organization is helmed by at least a handful of bigots, you've probably got a lot to think about it. I'm serious — changing a routine is a real pain in the ass and if you stopped at the Chick-fil-A on Rt. 73 next to the Payless or over in the mall food court everyday for lunch, what the fuck are you supposed to do now? Just suffer all the indignant stares of the sundry "activists" hanging around your local Jesufied poultry purveyor?
No, of course you can't patronize Chick-fil-A in good conscience, which is why D.C. lawyer Ted Frank has just recently started a website aimed at letting you gnaw on juicy chicken without worrying about how you're being complicit in a whole corporate apparatus of homophobia. Frank, who explains that he, as a Chick-fil-A enthusiast and gay rights supporter, was caught in a bit of conundrum when Chick-fil-A trumpeted its stance on gay marriage, describes his site as a chicken "offset" program:
So I've started ChickenOffset.com. Every time you buy a chicken-sandwich meal at Chick-fil-A, you can buy an "offset" here. You can print out the receipt and demonstrate to your friends that the money you gave for LGBT youth more than compensates for the profits you put in Chick-fil-A's coffers. $1 gets you 1 chicken-meal offset; $6 for ten offsets. We promise to send a minimum of 80% of the proceeds after expenses to It Gets Better and the Williams Institute.
A similar sort of program was suggested around these parts just a couple of weeks ago, and, in terms of irony, Frank's offset idea isn't half-bad. Rather than just starve Chick-fil-A into irrelevance (which is clearly not going to happen), offsets would encourage consumers to at least offer nominal support to gay rights organizations. Still, there's something about buying absolution that doesn't quite seem right — far easier, perhaps, to just go to Popeyes. Or KFC — I hear the Colonel is quite the libertine.