Ahhh, big stinky poops. Nature's garbage. I know you make them, and I know you are ashamed. So what to do, ladies, what to do, when you really need to "drop the Westboro Baptist Church off at the pool," but you're trapped at the office where people you know might find out about your disgusting butt-bigots!? Panic? No. Weep? Maybe. Luckily, the world's leading butt scientist (me) has worked out a foolproof guide to "anonymously commenting on the toilet's blog," if you catch my meaning. (I mean stealth-pooping at work.) Let's do this shit. Literally, amirite?
Now, first of all, this is obviously silly. Every human should feel 200% free to poop in the nearest toilet without getting into one of those weird stalemates where you and the other person in the bathroom are both waiting silently for each other to leave so that you can poop in peace, so you just sit there gritting your teeth until 50 years later when some random battleship finds you all beardy and gross like one of those dudes who got left on an island in World War 2. Don't be one of those dudes who got left on an island in World War 2! Drop your bombs! Um...launch your submarines into the Pacific basin! And other war metaphors of your choice! Do it!
But alas, my free-pooping utopia is only a beautiful dream. Poop anxiety is still a very real problem, particularly among the ladies (WHICH IS SEXIST), so I suppose it's only natural that we cannot stop obsessing over it. Case in point: at The Blush this week, they've compiled their list of some pretty good work-pooping tips, delivered with a straightforward wink at the existential horror of using a bathroom for its expressly intended purpose: