Dog ‘Love Hotel’ in Brazil Opens to Much Braying and Panting

You know it, you love it, you want it, so come and get it, doggystyle. That’s what the in-flight magazine ad for a new Brazilian “love hotel” for dogs would say if dogs could read and make decisions about where they took their vacations. As it happens, no such ad currently exists, which is why it is my solemn duty to spread the word about this new hotel opening soon in the city of Belo Horizonte, a place with so many oversexed dogs that they need an entire hotel floor on which to have anonymous trysts.

According to the Telegraph, Brazil, with 32 million dogs, has the second-highest canine population behind the United States, which means that there’s an enormous market for siblings Fabiano and Daniela Lourdes to capitalize on when they open their eight-story hotel, Animalle Mundo Pet, later this week. One of those stories will be an exclusive dog-fucking zone, a place where dog owners looking for a discreet place to breed their dogs can rent a room (decked out with a heart-shaped ceiling mirror and red upholstery) for $50 a day. Fabiano explains that a prerequisite for securing hotel accommodations for one’s dog is that the animal must be well take care of, and adds, “Our market studies showed that people work all day long and they do not know where to drop their pets for mating.”

Animalle Mundo Pet was inspired by the thousands of Brazilian motels that allow couples to rent rooms for sex, no questions asked. Fabiano and Daniela have invested $1 million (!) into the project, shelling out big bucks for a crew of biologists, veterinarians, and luxury goods peddlers who will try to sell the dogs $1,000 crystal collars when they’re still foggy and vulnerable from the afterglow. Animalle Mundo Pet will also feature a dog fitness center (which I imagine is just a big space for dogs to frolick in and stare rudely at one another’s spandex-cradled genitals) and a special birthday zone where dogs can, you guess it, celebrate their birthdays just like people, except not really.