Welcome back to "The Newsroom": Recaps from an Internet Girl, our weekly feature where we recap Aaron Sorkin's new media drama without actually watching a single episode. Sound purposefully limiting? That's because it is. Sorkin hasn't given us female bloggers very much credit when it comes to comprehending his oh-so complex and oh-so layered new series and has even gone as far as to recommend that we "watch a film or pick up a newspaper once in awhile." Unfortunately, unless you count Perez Hilton as a newspaper, that's a little beyond our ken, but that doesn't mean we won't try to understand "The Newsroom" using the limited means afforded to us — primarily Twitter, Tumblr and YouTube. Walk and talk with me — we'll glean what we can and make up the rest.


This week's Newsroom kicked off with Will and his very natural blond hair issuing an on-air apology to his viewership for the way he and the rest of the media has been mollycoddling them since the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. Well, technically, he's glomming on to the apology offered by former National Security Advisor Richard Clarke in front of the 9/11 Commission, in which Clarke apologized for the intelligence failures that led to the attacks.

This Week on The Newsroom: Justin Timberlake Is a Fan!

While Clarke's testimony occurred in 2004, this episode, entitled "The 112th Congress," takes place in 2010 during the heated political race in which the Republicans regained control of the House. (It was also, from an Internet Girl perspective, only two months away from when the video of Ted "Golden Voice" Williams first went viral). Will feels like the Tea Party and other loud-mouth crazies have gained control of both the political discourse and the media in general, which is something that he, as a hard-turned-soft-turned-hard-hitting newsman, is partially responsible for. No more, says Mr. McAvoy. From here on out, he's going to be delivering the news as it's meant to delivered — as an objective, unapologetic truth. Never mind that his show News Night — as pointed out by several Twitter users — misspelled Richard Clarke's name in their crawl. In this brave new world, Ol' Rich can live without the e.

But forget that news-y bullshit. What's happening with all of the romances???????? Uh, A LOT. In order to make Mac jealous, Will is parading a series of busty dates, one of whom is a pro cheerleader, through the office and Mac, despite being A.) a professional executive producer and B.) a woman in her late 30s who has undoubtedly encountered an ex's new girlfriend before, can't help squawking and flapping her arms about like a particularly simple, albeit very beautiful swan. Eventually, she realizes that revenge is a dish best served as an expected plot twist and gets a boyfriend of her own. Hopefully, it will last! (It definitely will not last.)

Then there are the News Night youths. Maggie has a panic attack during an editorial meeting — probably because she has a vagina, which, as Sorkin and science well know, makes it near impossible for us to do a job without losing our fucking minds — and has to, once again, be rescued by Jim, who takes her into the hallway and calms her down by explaining her own feelings to her, telling her literal war stories and sexily taking her pulse. Ooh la la! I don't know how it was on the show, but, let me tell you, the kids of Tumblr are in. to. it. While Internet 'shippers are full on board, Mags still needs some convincing as she continues to get together and break up with Don, who apparently is still wearing his puka shell necklace. QUICK. Some man tell her what to do before she full-on blows it with Jim forever!

In news that has me slightly wishing that I was watching the show for realsies, Jane Fonda has made her first appearance as Leona Lansing, a badass bitch with corporate interests who happens to run the company that Will and the rest of the News Night crew are working for. She doesn't like how Will has stopped getting polite and started getting real — so much so that she's been holding a series of closed-door meetings with Sam Waterston's bowties, in which she's discussed firing Will. In the words of the internet, oh, DERP!

This Week on The Newsroom: Justin Timberlake Is a Fan!

In what is perhaps the most important internet news regarding The Newsroom, Justin Timberlake has tweeted that he is a big fan of the show. Remember when he played Sean Parker in The Social Network? The only reason I do is because the movie was about Facebook and Napster and, as you probably well know, Internet Girls <3 Facebook and illegal downloads.