Hollywood Weeps for Andy Griffith, America's Grandpa

By Lindy West | July 4, 2012 | 12:00am

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Andy Griffith, who died this morning at age 86, was buried today on his farm on North Carolina’s Roanoke Island after a small private ceremony. President Obama offered a brief tribute: “Michelle and I were saddened to hear about the passing of Andy Griffith this morning. A performer of extraordinary talent, Andy was beloved by generations of fans and revered by entertainers who followed in his footsteps. He brought us characters from Sheriff Andy Taylor to Ben Matlock, and in the process, warmed the hearts of Americans everywhere. Our thoughts and prayers are with Andy’s family.” And whole bunches of celebs took to Twitter to express their grief. James Van Der Beek wrote: “I was lucky enough to work with Andy Griffith on a DC episode. He was legend around those NC studios, and did not disappoint.” Henry Winkler: “RIP the forever in our memory Andy Griffith.” And Tia Mowry: “RIP Andy Griffith 🙁 I grew up to u and u kept me entertained…” By all accounts he was a lovely old gentleman. Here’s hoping he isn’t only remembered by foolish youngsters as “that guy whose theme song does something weird to your pussy.” If so, shame on you, Drake (also WTF are you talking about). [E!]

After seven years with Seal, followed by a painful divorce, Heidi Klum says she’s not sure she’ll ever get nuptialed again: “I don’t know if I’ll get married again…Although I really enjoyed being married. I’m a dreamer. I loved our annual fairy tale weddings that were our big family parties. But sadly, it somehow didn’t work out.” Then she clarified that she is not dating German model Thomas Hayo, so please shut up about it. [People]

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Somebody with some free time sat down and made up a bunch of Tom Cruise conspiracy theories, including this business: “Unlucky Number 33: Talk about a triple-header! Uncanny as it may be, Holmes, Kidman and Rogers were all 33 years old when divorce proceedings began…Is there a significance to that number? A few theories abound: One proposes that the first Church of Scientology was founded in Phoenix, Ariz., which is located smack-dab on the 33rd parallel.” YEAH, THAT’S PROBABLY RIGHT. NAILED IT. [E!]

Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber confronted Russian Eurovision judges about what he claims is blatant racism against England’s contestant. “Did you see the Eurovision Song Contest this year? Well, if you had seen it, you might have noticed one thing – I don’t think there was one black face on the programme. At the press conference in Moscow, I was asked, ‘Why have you brought a black artist?’ I said, ‘Because she is the most talented artist that we had and I think she’s a major, major star’. I think we would have come second but there’s a problem when you go further east.” Oh. Em. Gee. Bro. SNERP. [ONTD]

Here is a rather terrible photo of Lindsay Lohan as Liz Taylor as Cleopatra. Lohan also turned 26 and wrapped Liz and Dick this week. [Us]
Diane Kruger reveals her HOTTEST TIPS for how she stays so slender. “I forget to eat.” Well, yeah, that’ll do it. [Radar]
HBO is releasing a beauty line inspired by True Blood. Items will include a nail polish called “Let It Bleed,” a lipstick called “Bite Me,” and a bejeweled retainer called “Bill’s Speech Impediment.” [Examiner]
Anderson Cooper would like to thank all of his friends for being so nice to him when he told them that thing they already knew. [E!]
Everyone says that Alex Pettyfer is terrible. If I understood what an “Alex Pettyfer” is then I might care. [ONTD]
An old rich guy is dating a young woman with a nice butt. Somebody call 911 because my surprise gland just had 17 heart attacks. [Radar]
J.K. Rowling revealed the cover of her new book, The Casual Vacancy, which is about a deceptively idyllic English village: “Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils…Pagford is not what it first seems.” Does that mean it’s super interesting and full of wizards? Because it SEEMS boring and full of regulars. (I mean, who am I kidding, of course I am going to read that shit.) [E!]
Jena Malone is reportedly up for the role of Johanna Mason in Catching Fire. According to this article, Johanna Mason “is one of the more celebrated characters in the trilogy because of her feisty and cunning nature.” According to me, not one goddamn detail about Johanna Mason managed to stick in my brain. She’s kind of mean at the beginning and then later she’s helpful, right? Hhhhhhh. I’m sure Jena Malone will be great. [MTV]
You guys. James Deen is NOT having sex with Lindsay Lohan. At all. Right at this exact second. [HuffPo]
Kal Penn‘s plane had to make an emergency landing because of poop. [TMZ]
Katie Price made a bunch of bad choices involving her hair and face. [DailyMail]
Snooki gave birth!!!!!!!!! To a case of Coors Light. [E!]