Do you have a British accent? Did you participate in Princess Diana's wedding, write a book about it, or watch it very intently on TV? Then you too can be a royal wedding correspondent! But of course, all Brits aren't created equal. You'll have to weave in references to tiaras and tea biscuits at every opportunity and exploit any vague connection you have to the royal family. Here's a rundown of where you should tune in to get the most Brit for your buck.
Gig: Special Correspondent for NBC
Qualifications: He's "NBC's biggest coup" according to the New York Times. The British TV host traveled in Africa with Prince William for a TV special last year and most importantly, HE'S ATTENDING THE WEDDING. He plans to run from the service to a camera waiting outside Westminster Abbey to give us the blow by blow on what it was like to experience the ceremony we all just watched live. Oh, and we'd like to submit this picture of Fogle chatting with the Queen last year into evidence.
Rating: 10 out of 10 monocles!
Gig: ABC News
Qualifications: India Hicks is Prince Charles' second cousin and 52nd in line to the throne, but apparently that only gets you a commentator job on ABC, not a wedding invite. Here she is on GMA discussing the mood on the morning of Diana's wedding (it was exciting). You may want to take a look at the video, because she's only going to retell the story 143 more times in the next few days.
Rating: 9 monocles
Gig: ABC News
Qualifications: Served as Press Secretary for Prince Charles from 1998 to 2003. Her
website notes she was "the first Black member of the Royal Household." She also had senior posts in the Deputy Prime Minister's Office, and the Cabinet Office, and worked for the World Health Organization. Now she gets to speculate about her former employers on American TV.
Rating: 7 monocles (one point off for being slightly too respectable for this list)
Gig: Entertainment Tonight
Qualifications: Yes, Dr. Quinn is a royal wedding correspondent, and not just because she's an "AmeriBrit." She tells USA Today, she's been presented to the Queen several times, and "I've had dinner at the palace with the older royals, Edward and Prince Charles and Princess Diana, and I know Prince Edward. Fergie, I know very well. She's an old buddy. … So I do know several members of the royal family. A lot of people know them as distant figures." However, she hasn't met Will and Kate! Extra points for having the same name as one of Henry VIII's wives (and one who wasn't beheaded at that.)
Rating: 6 monocles
Gig: ABC News, CNN's Piers Morgan Tonight, and Entertainment Tonight.
Qualifications: Was the subject of a network bidding war. Wrote the book William and Harry: Behind the Palace Walls, which was published a week before the wedding date was announced. Here she is on the CBS Early Show in September, explaining that the wedding will probably take place in 2012 to correspond with the Olympics and the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.
Rating: 5 monocles
Gig: CBS News Royal Expert
Qualifications: Father was Press Secretary to Queen Elizabeth II. She once rode go-carts with Princess Diana.
Rating: 4 monocles
Gig: His own CNN show
Qualifications: British person recently thrust on unsuspecting Americans. He says: "I've got photographs at home with me and the entire royal family at various events. I had a memorable lunch once with just me, Diana, and Prince William. I've met the Queen five times. I've met Charles about ten times. I know Camilla Parker Bowles well. I'm very friendly with her son. I have connections that most American anchors can only dream of." (Disclaimer: All of these people will deny ever having met Piers Morgan.)
Rating: 3 monocles
Gig: NBC News and Extra
Qualifications: Writes for the Daily Telegraph and is identified as a "royal watcher" i.e. someone who has watched the royals on TV a lot. Married to Piers Morgan, but try not to hold it against her.
Rating: 2 monocles
Qualifications: Apparently the English presenters were snapped up fast, so TLC was left with Irish TV host Amanda Byram. Luckily Americans are thick and won't notice the difference. (I picked up some British slang from Harry Potter, so I'm also qualified to host a royal wedding show on deep cable.) Byram could only score an interview with fellow royal wedding correspondent India Hicks.
Rating: 1 monocle
Gig: Fox News
Qualifications: Joan Lunden has been named Fox News' royal wedding correspondent because she covered Diana's wedding and once interviewed a guy who interviewed Prince Charles. She may be a legendary TV host, but she can't compete with a real Brit.
Rating: Not fit to wear the monocle!
U.S. Networks Add Britons To Royal Wedding Coverage [NYT]
Royal Wedding All Stars: Meet The GMA Team [ABC News]
Royal Diary: Former Press Aide Speaks [ABC News]
Jane Seymour Finds Royal Correspondent Gig "Quite Fun" [USA Today]
Royal Wedding Rumors Fly [CBS News]
Amanda Byram Covering Royal Wedding [RTE]
CNN's Piers Morgan Talks The Royal Wedding [EW]
Joan Lunden Talks Covering Royal Wedding [NBC Los Angeles]
Image via Radu Razvan/Shutterstock.