Daily Royal Wedding Headline Tally: 13 And Counting

The countdown continues. The hysteria increases. And so do the stories.

You think you know the story of how Wills and Kate got together? Ha. You have no idea. At least, according to “old college pal Ben Duncan, who attended St. Andrews with the duo and now exclusively spills to E! News the details of how Wills fell for his bride-to-be.” Of Kate this alleged “friend” says, “She’s what we in Britain call a ‘jolly holly sticks girl’…She was always at a sports game, she was always organizing, she’s a natural leader. She was always in charge of something.” Oh, and the pair both liked to eat breakfast at 8 am. Concludes he, “I do believe in them. I believe in their marriage.” Why do we not expect to see him at Westminster come Friday?

A bunch of mounted soldiers did a dress rehearsal this morning. Yes, people lined up to watch. Read a mind-numbing blow-by-blow of the parade here. Westminster’s now closed for preparations; yes, some people are already camped out. Here’s the whole schedule, in case you need to plan your dawn around it.

This wedding dress designer is already poised at the starting line, waiting to copy Kate’s dress the instant it appears. As to the real designer, well, apparently the royal appointment’s a mixed blessing, because the designers of Diana’s dress fell on hard times. Whatever she wears, Jessica Simpson declares, “I’ll outdo her!” You do that.

Kate has been spotted with the Tods’ D-Bag — which was named after Diana!! Asks the Daily Mail, “is the future princess actively channelling her fiance’s late mother?” We ask…does that term not exist across the pond?

Apparently Pippa Middleton’s vulgar afterparty plans have the palace up in arms. Not only did she try to hire her own caterer, says a source, but

Pippa’s choice of turning the throne room into a nightclub set-up also went down like a lead balloon with Palace aides, who tried to have it stopped. ‘But William stepped in and insisted that he wanted the evening event to be very different from the formal champagne and canapé reception being thrown by the Queen immediately after the wedding. ‘He wants to it be very young and cool, so the old guard caved in and gave their approval.’

The color scheme is blue and gray, and there will be food trucks outside hawking “bacon butties” and ice cream. Speaking of decor! Westminster’s going to be decked out like a “living forest” of seasonal trees.

The bride-to-be has ordered more than four tons of foliage – including eight 20ft-high trees – to recreate a lavish English country garden inside Westminster Abbey. Under the guidance of her so-called ‘floral designer’, Shane Connolly, half a dozen English Field Maples have been installed in the historic church to create a ‘Living Avenue’ under which guests will walk to their seats.

Facebook keeps banning “Kate Middleton” accounts in an attempt to crack down on frauds, which sucks for women who just happen to be named Kate Middleton. Here are some William and Kate lookalikes. Speaking of faux-wedding stuff, check out the Guardian’s fictional, “Not the Royal Wedding” feature, in which they highlight things that will not, in fact, be taking place. Also in speculation: the New York Times dining section gets in on the action with the story, “Royal Wedding Wine May Be Bubbly and English.”

If you want to see a slideshow of William’s balding relatives, well, you’re in luck.

When Did Kate Middleton And Prince William Fall In Love? College Pal Spills The Details!
Dawn Warmup For The Royal Wedding [Sun]
By Royal Disappointment [Daily Mail]
Pippa Middleton’s Party Plans Peeve The Palace As Courtiers ‘Shudder’ Over Glitterballs In The Throne Room [Daily Mail]
Call For Special Branch! [Daily Mail]
A Bag Fit For A Princess? [Daily Mail]
Quick Copy Of Kate Dress [NY Post]
Royal Wedding Brought Forward? No, It’s A William & Kate Lookalike Competition [Daily Mail]
Westminster Abbey Gears Up For Wedding Rehearsal [NY Post]
Royal Pattern Baldness [The Daily Beast]

Royal Wedding Wine May Be Bubbly and English [NY Times]
Kate Middleton Kicked Off Facebook [Digital Life]
Jessica Simpson: ‘I’ll Out-Do’ Kate Middleton’s Wedding Dress [Zap2It]