"You're A Sad Excuse For A Beard"

Emily was going away for the summer and needed a subletter for her New York City apartment. Ray answered her Craigslist posting and initially seemed like a good fit. But when he flaked on her, Emily found someone else. And that’s when things took a turn for the…unprofessional.

Writes Emily,

I’m leaving for a directing gig for the summer and am subletting my apartment. I posted the room on Craigslist. I met with Ray once. He seemed normal and fine. We went back and forth for 2 weeks: he has a cat and my roommates are allergic so he found a cat sitter for the summer, he didn’t show up to sign the paperwork last Sunday and didn’t answer my call, we tried to reschedule and he decided he needed to meet both roommates and get a copy of the contract ahead of seeing it (it’s an incredibly standard sublet contract) and he didn’t tell me any of this until 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet. All of this gave me a bad feeling and I pulled the plug. I found a terrific sublet who is sane and normal.

End of story? Not so much. Even taking into account the irrationality searching for an apartment in New York inspires (and, hey, we’d be miffed too) this qualifies not merely as a CEFAD, but a “what not to do” when you lose out on a place. What follows is the correspondence.

On Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 2:45 PM, Emily wrote:

I’m going with someone else. Sorry for any inconvenience. Time was ticking and I needed to solidify things quickly. Hope you find a good place.

On Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 2:55 PM, Ray wrote:

Thanks for wasting my time.

On Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 4:43 PM, Ray wrote:

I forgot to add: You’re an ugly cunt. Have fun in LA.

On Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 4:49 PM, Ray wrote:

Furthermore, if you have a boyfriend in LA and he actually fucks you, he must be a closeted fag and you’re his sad excuse for a beard.

Be sure to check out Mao’s Kitchen in Venice if it’s still there. Great food!

🙂

On Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 4:52 PM, Emily wrote:

Wowza. Bitter much? Enjoy your cats. Any further contact will be reported to the police as threatening.

On Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 5:02 PM, Ray wrote:

You wasted several days of my time. You’re a moronic, selfish cunt who deserves to be told she is an ugly bitch. It’s the least I could do. Please run to the police.

Yeah, he lost our sympathy vote right around “you’re an ugly cunt.” The homophobia, frightening levels of anger and misogyny didn’t really help, either. Emily: good call. We’re totally going to check out Mao’s Kitchen, though.