In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, Joan Rivers has an endless supply of jokes about Snooki's pussy, Ramona Singer takes another wide-eyed stroll down the catwalk, and Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband talks about his plan to have a baby with his 94-year-old wife.
1.) Snooki's pussy.
It was too much to resist when Joan Rivers saw a photo of Snooki and a cat.
2.) Ramona's eyes.
Evidently, this is how she smiles with her eyes.
3.) Prince Frederic Von Anhalt always delivers.
You know, for the past couple of years, this guy has been a consistent source of delightful buffoonery. Remember when he claimed he was the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Danielynn? Remember when he was found naked and handcuffed to his Rolls Royce and for some reason the paparazzi were there to catch it all on film? Did you know that he adopted a whole bunch of adult men since he's been married to Zsa Zsa? His latest random act of crazy involves his plan to have a baby with his 94-year-old wife (who, BTW, is essentially incapacitated, is not speaking, and just had a leg amputated). He wants to hire an egg donor and a surrogate and he doesn't think that his and his wife's ages are that big of a deal because kids are basically raised by the time they're "15 or even 12." All of that pales in comparison to the reason why he went on The Joy Behar Show: To let everyone know that, "It's nobody's business how [he] got off in the sperm bank." Who the fuck was asking? But now that it's been brought up, I kind of want to know.
5.) Everyone on The Talk hates Fran Drescher.
Sharon Osbourne brought it up when she mentioned that she didn't want to work with Leah Remini because she had confused her with The Nanny. Leah Remini seems to be in desperate need of the wah-wah horn.
6.) Look at this fucking hippie.
Tom Shadyac directed smash hit movies like Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, The Nutty Professor, and Liar Liar, but he soon realized that being a multimillionaire with a giant mansion and a private jet wasn't the key to happiness. So he made a documentary about his spiritual awakening. Fine. That's all well and good. But listening to him and Oprah—two people who will never ever want for anything for the rest of their lives—talk about how money isn't that important and how they think that the way that "Billy" the guy in charge of maintenance at Harpo Studios is an artist for how well he cleans the floor is beyond eye-rolling.
7.) Shocker: Jonny Fairplay is an asshole of a husband.
Remember Michelle from America's Next Top Model? She's the one who had that flesh-eating disease on her face and also had aspirations of being a professional wrestler. She married that gross asshole from Survivor and things aren't really working out, so they went on Dr. Phil for help—or more attention. Whichever.
8.) The dangers of hanging plants.
They're so scary! And hard to care for!
9.) "Stop looking at my shirt" shirt.
This week's Police Women of Broward County featured a complicated case of an alleged rape involving four homeless people. A young trans person—who alternated between being called "Chelsea" and "Chester"—said she/he (the gender situation was never really explained) was raped in a public bathroom stall when her/his girlfriend walked in with their other friend Gloria, who is featured in the clip. Gloria is kind of a bitch. Even though Chelsea/Chester and her/his girlfriend have corroborating stories on the alleged rape, Gloria was trying to say that it was consensual. Eventually, the cop interviewed the alleged rapist, found his version of the events unbelievable, and had him arrested. While it was all a kind of sticky situation, it was incredibly hard to not look at Gloria's shirt, despite it's message.
10.) Objectum sexual swan.