Everything You Need To Know About PeggingS

A sex tape featuring Usher and his ex-wife, Tameka Foster, is being shopped around, and rumor has it the activities are slightly kinky. TMZ reports: "We'll keep this PG-13 and just say ... the people in the video are both givers." Sounds like mutual oral sex to us, but rumor-mongering blogs have decided that Usher and his wife are into pegging.

A tipster suggested we devote a post to this subject, so we talked to Lux Alptraum, editor of Fleshbot and resident sexpert, and she helped us out with a little Pegging 101. Herewith, we ask and she answers.

What IS pegging?

As it is generally understood, pegging is defined as a woman using a strap-on on her male partner for anal play. The name (and this touches on your followup) came from a poll conducted by Dan Savage a few years ago—a reader wrote in asking for a word to describe this then unnamed sexual practice, and pegging was the winning selection. (There were two other choices, but the only one I remember was bobbing.)

If a woman uses a strap-on with a woman, is that pegging?
I would say no. As I mentioned above, the term came out of a desire for a term specifically to describe this one sex act; strap-on sex between women (which can, of course, include vaginal as well as anal play) is not considered pegging.

What equipment do you need for pegging?

A good harness; a clean, harness compatible dildo (preferably silicone); lubricant; and a good attitude. The specifics of what kind of dildo and harness you choose will depend on your personal preference—some people prefer the boyleg harness style, while others (myself included) are more comfortable with the g-string style harnesses. Likewise, the dildo you choose will depend on what your male partner feels comfortable taking in his ass—and whether the two of you are interested in something hyper realistic, or something more abstract and sensation oriented. Either way, I highly recommend using a silicone dildo, as it's non-porous and sterilizable (a must for anal play).

Babeland has a really good strap-on beginner's kit.

What's fun about it for the woman?

Obviously, different women enjoy strap-on play for different reasons, but some benefits include the feeling of power/domination that comes with being the penetrating partner, joy at being able to give one's partner anal pleasure, a naughty thrill at the role reversal/dirty factor of engaging in anal play. Some women also experience physical stimulation/pleasure from the act itself—particularly if they're using a double-ended dildo like the Nexus.

What's fun about it for the man?

Women have gspots, men have pspots—specifically, the area inside the rectum that allows the prostate gland to be stimulated. While not all men enjoy prostate stimulation, the ones that do receive tremendous pleasure from anal stimulation. And, of course, for some men there's also the psychological aspect of submitting/being penetrated that gives them pleasure.

Care to expand on the larger psychological/emotional/cultural aspects of a woman being the penetrator instead of the penetratee?

Well, for me, personally, that's part of the thrill of using a strapon. Much as I enjoy being penetrated, there's something very delicious about taking on a more dominant role and physically penetrating my partner... particularly when I know it gives my partner serious pleasure.

If you're a woman interested in pegging your manfriend, how should you go about bringing it up? (heh)

It obviously depends on the relationship: if you and your partner are relatively open about sex, a straightforward, "How do you feel about getting pegged?" would probably do the trick; if you want to take things more slowly, you could hint at it any number of ways: perhaps send your partner a link to a sexy story involving pegging and tell him that you found it hot, or suggest that you two watch some pegging porn together, and try to gauge your partner's interest in being pegged. Or hey, just tell him you have a dirty fantasy, and that it involves him getting anally penetrated by you.

If your partner is worried that it makes him gay, remind him that straight men have prostate glands too, and there's nothing gay about wanting to experience mind blowing orgasms.

If you're a man interesting in getting pegged, what are some tips about bringing it up?

Pretty much the same as the above, really. I don't think there's anything that makes pegging all that different from any other slightly unusual sexual practice, and I'd treat it as such.

Are there any websites or books a budding pegging enthusiast should check out?

Cleis Press has the Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex. It's an educational DVD, but I also recommend Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men.

Edited to add: Bend Over Boyfriend, featuring sex education guru Carol Queen is a "must-have."

What if you'd like to watch pegging, but not engage in it? Any suggestions for videos or movies?

There's Tristan's movie, which has some good porn in it in addition to the educational bits.

Cocksexual.com is all about strapon play and includes pegging. There's also this list. Poke around!

Anything else you'd like to add?

Yes! This goes for all anal play, really, but take it SUPER SLOW. If your partner has never been penetrated in the butt before, don't just go straight to ramming a strapon inside him. Start with fingers, and work your way up slowly, making sure both of you are totally comfortable every step of the way. If it hurts, slow down or stop—that's your body's way of telling you it's not ready just yet. You may not live out your ass ramming fantasies the very first time you try butt stuff, but that's okay—with time, patience, and practice, you will become an ass master.

Also, use lube. Lots of lube. (But if you're using a silicone toy, use WATER-BASED, not silicone-based lube. Silicone-based lube will destroy a silicone toy...if that's all you have, please please put a condom on the toy.)

Thanks Lux! And kudos to the reader who emailed the suggestion.