Happiness Totally Helps You Live Longer Than Misery Does!

In a study-so-obvious-I-could-fall-asleep, researchers found “clear and compelling evidence” that being positive and happy can keep you from ending it all.

The study, that someone actually went to the trouble of publishing in the journal Applied Psychology: Health and Wellbeing, also found that happiness lead to “quicker recovery from exercise” (not because of endorphins, but because of one’s ability to see that the grass isn’t really greener on the other side, it just looks that way). Conversely, the extremely shocking study found that anxiety, depression, and pessimism were all linked to a greater risk of disease and a shortened lifespan.

The lead researcher, who has always been a joyful person because choosing to be unhappy never did make any sense to him, revealed:

“I was almost shocked, and certainly surprised, to see the consistency of the data,” said the lead researcher, a University of Illinois professor. “The general conclusion from each type of study is that your subjective wellbeing, that is, feeling positive about your life, not stressed out, not depressed, contributes to both longevity and better health among healthy populations.”