Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi landed the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, and inside, she admits that she hates watching herself on the show: "Obviously, they're only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I'm seeing is me drunk and falling down. That's how I am when I party, but some of the stuff I do is, like, 'Really, Nicole?' I look like a freakin' alcoholic. I'm like, 'You're sweating, your makeup is running, you look gross.' I just look like shit." She also reveals that being filmed around the clock is stressful: "It messes with your head… That's why we go crazy. That's why we fight with each other. That's why we drink. We're living in a house for two months with that shit. We can't have cellphones, TV, radio or the Internet. If the president died, we'd have no idea. There's no normalcy. It's just like prison, with cameras." Except you don't make thousands of dollars a day in prison. But anyway. It might seem like she hooks up a lot, but Snickers swears: "The only person I've had sex with on Jersey Shore is my boyfriend. The guys you see me bring home, we're only cuddling and making out like any other person would do, but we're on camera and the whole world's seeing it, and it does look like I'm having sex." In the future, Ms. Polizzi would like to be a businesslady: "What I'd like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions… I'm trying to build an empire, because after this I can't get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?" Good question! Check out the adorable video above, in which Snooks poses on a rocket the size of Vinny's ding dong and mockfellates a pickle. The girl is a national treasure. [Rolling Stone]

Snooki Tells Rolling Stone She Wants To Build An Empire

Christina Aguilera's friends are "begging" for her to go to rehab; a source says of her boozing, "Maybe when she was married she was able to keep it under wraps, but it's out in the open now." [TMZ]
Christina Aguilera's boyfriend and drinking buddy, Matthew Rutler, is a PA on movies, the lead singer and guitarist in a band, a graduate of Roger Williams University in Rhode Island and a registered Republican. [E!]

Snooki Tells Rolling Stone She Wants To Build An Empire

Brooke Mueller got a restraining order against Charlie Sheen yesterday. Chuckles, who, we are learning, has a pithy quip for everything, says: "Great. I was already planning on staying 100 parsecs away from her." [TMZ]
Last night, Charlie Sheen's kids were removed from his home by police. Charlie was very polite to the officers, saying, "I understand, you're just doing your job." Brooke Mueller is currently in a "daytime" treatment center for substance abuse, so the kids will be in her house with nannies or something. [TMZ, Radar Online]
You guys know Chuckles is on Twitter, right? He earned 600,000 followers in 8 hours. [x17]
The co-creator of Two And A Half Men has been telling people the show is not over. [TMZ]
Lorne Michaels says Charlie Sheen is welcome on Saturday Night Live. [NYDN]
Robert Pattison on Charlie Sheen: "I like crazy people who don't give a fuck." [Pop Eater]

  • Whoa: Did 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander hook up with Susan Sarandon? [Page Six]
  • We heard she was posing nude for Terry Richardson, but Lindsay Lohan says she would "never do a sex book." But! Lindsay is being photographed by "the world's most fucked up fashion photographer" who often gets naked during photoshoots and persuades his subjects to get naked — and touch his penis. But Lindsay will appear in a book about "the glamour and history" of Hollywood. And everyone knows there is no nudity in Hollywood! [TMZ]
  • Is it too early in the day for pictures of Andy Dick doing coke? [Radar Online]
  • Here is Heidi Klum taking off her underwear and putting the panties in an Oscar gift bag. [NYDN]
  • This will make you smile: Helena Bonham Carter and her mother! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood
  • Ryan Phillippe and Amanda Seyfried are still together. [Page Six]
  • Hollywood Is Out Of Ideas, Part CMXCVIII: Another Peter Pan film. Starring Channing Tatum. [Hollywood Reporter]
  • Hollywood Is Out Of Ideas, Part CMXCIX: RoboCop remake. [Digital Spy]
  • Jonah Hill's directorial debut will be a horror film in which zombie teens fight vampire teens. [Digital Spy]
  • Russell Simmons is receiving the Excellence in Media Award from GLAAD. [Contact Music]
  • Whee! A new Shirley Manson song! [Pop Candy]