Shocked Friends Make Breakups Way Worse

Mila Kunis’s “close chum” says all her friends are totally shocked about her split from Macaulay Culkin. But the surprise of everyone you know just makes a breakup worse.

Kunis’s friend tells E! their whole crowd is mystified about the reasons for the breakup:

No one knows. We all found out and were like, what?! They were really great together and seemed to make each other very happy. But you know what, she seems really happy right now. She’s ready to get that globe.

It’s nice that Mila’s doing well, and that her pal acknowledges that fact, but when a breakup leaves all your friends So Surprised, it’s even worse than the usual variety. A few reasons why:

1. It was probably sudden. The long, drawn-out, war-of-attrition-style breakup can certainly do a number on your mental health. But the shock of a sudden breakup, if you’re the breakup-ee, can leave you with emotional whiplash and trust issues — can you ever even know if things are going well? And even if you’re the breakup-er, suddenly finding out something that makes you unable to continue with your partner is no fucking picnic.

2. When you just broke up with someone, you don’t want to hear how great you were together. Again, this holds true on both sides. Breakup recipient? You’ll never find someone that good again! Breakup initiator? You’re an asshole. Either way, you lose.

3. You feel a sense of unease with the universe. Yeah, it’s not that fun to be told that your ex was a huge loser and all your friends were just waiting for you two to split. But at least when that happens, you feel like things are proceeding along the correct path. On the flipside, when your friends are “like, what?!,” as it were, you’re brought face to face with the terrifying unpredictability of life. People can just break up, and no one can predict it! No one knows what is going to happen in your life, not even your closest friends, maybe not even you, because if you did know then you might have clued them in and they wouldn’t be so fucking shocked about it. And then when people say that you will find someone new (which E!’s Ted Casablanca helpfully asserts in Kunis’s case), you realize that it’s just a platitude because they cannot know for certain because no one can know anything for certain because ahhhhhh!

Of course, after a while you feel better, and you remember that the universe does have some patterns that you can kind of sort of get a handle on, and you begin to move forward. If there’s anything we can learn from this painful process, it’s this: if your friend’s breakup totally blindsides you, maybe refrain from telling her about your shock. And definitely don’t tell E!