In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, James Franco reveals what his college classmates really think about him, the Kardashians give tips for a "shiny vagina," and Janice Dickinson is still the best thing to happen to reality TV.
1.) "James looks like total shit today."
I don't know how that's even possible, but apparently that's what one of the girls in one of his classes wrote about him in her notebook.
2.) It'll shine like the top of the Chrysler building!
While on Conan this week, the Kardashian sisters were explaining how some of their jokes on Twitter get taken seriously by followers, including one in which they said that they use mayonnaise on their vaginas to make them shiny.
3.) "I'm an all around hot mess."
I'm kind of glad that Janice is getting cleaned up on Celebrity Rehab, because I want her to be around for much longer so that she may entertain me with her antics. But on the other hand, I hope that being sober doesn't take away from the outrageousness that makes her so entertaining to begin with. In that case, it would be like The Gift of the Magi, which I never found all that touching. (Although the lady who cut off her hair for that comb obviously got the better end of the deal, since growing back hair is like no big whoop.)
4.) Dr. Rey is creepy.
He's that plastic surgeon from Dr. 90210 who cuts the arms off his scrubs (which my mother, an R.N., hates and insists is against some kind of regulations). I don't understand how he thought that acting like Willem Dafoe in Shadow of the Vampire would pump up sales of his new foundation garment. P.S. This commercial came on during an episode of Dr. Phil that was all about the show Bridalplasty.
5.) $3000 for a purity ring?
I'd rather spend $20 on a couple of boxes of condoms and just let my kid have sex. It is interesting though that she's lavishing her daughter with an expensive ring to keep her legs closed, since those kinds of gifts seem to have the opposite effect on Kim. ("The ring didn't mean a thing," anyone?)
6.) "Never go full special."
When Tropic Thunder aired on basic cable this week, the amount of times they say "retarded" or "retard" in the movie was only amplified by the poorly dubbed "specials" used as a replacement.
7.) The Gosselins are still fighting via press appearances.
8.) David Sedaris on trading favors.
In addition to speaking about his fake butt on Jimmy Kimmel Live this week, Sedaris also discussed how he uses his book signings to barter for goods and services.
9.) Charice's Ashlee Simpson moment
When Charice was about to perform with David Foster during NBC's tree-lighting special, the track for "This Christmas"—which had just been performed by Boyz II Men—was played instead of her song "Jingle Bell Rock." The live TV fuck up managed to blow up Boyz II Men's spot as having lipped synced their song, as well as David Foster's spot for fake playing the piano.
10.) Face yoga
It's the latest rage in wrinkle prevention. While these people might not look as old as maybe they should, they certainly look ridiculous.