The absolute best part of the RHONY reunion last night was when Kelly Bensimon said that "The grass isn't always greener. No matter how much fertilizer you have." Much more fertilizer after the jump.
The reunion taping went so "well" (meaning there were lots fights) that there will be a part 2 airing on Thursday. Here are the summaries of the fights from last night.
Kelly Vs. The Media
The Fight: The media has attacked Kelly's very important name with allegations that she beat up her ex-boyfriend.
Kelly said: "Every single day my name was in the paper."
Kelly said: "Does anyone ever asked me what happened? No."
We thought: "Someone just did."
Luann said: "Well, he's definitely not a gentleman."
The Winner: Bethenny.
The Countess Vs. The Count
The Fight: They couple are getting divorced after several years of marriage.
The Low Blow: Count Alex ended their relationship via email.
The Winner: No one really wins in these situations, but it would seem like the Countess does by default since he was an asshole and she gets to keep her title.
The Countess vs. The Ethiopian Princess
The Fight: The Countess' husband left her for a woman who is reportedly a princess.
Luann said: "I think that was slipped by [Alex and the princess] in order to make her look like just not an Ethiopian woman. I just thought it was interesting that he releases the fact that she's a princess to make it look 'OK.'"
The Winner: The Princess has a better title, but she's dating below her rank. She still wins though.
Ramona Vs. The Countess
The Fight: Ramona said that the Countess' husband was an old man. The Countess overreacted.
Jill said: "If it's none of my business, then why knock my rules that you would never take a guy's number when you [asked for my husband's best friend's number]."
The Countess' defense: "Oh you are really searching, darling."
The Countess' jab: "Then why did you buy me a magnum of champagne?"
Jill said: "That I paid for by the way and you never paid me back."
The Winner: Jill.
Ramona Vs. Jill
The Fight: Ramona said she was working on a skin care line for a year and a half. Jill insisted that it was less time than that.
Ramona said: "I have so many things, sometimes I get my age wrong."
Jill said: "Ok, then say that maybe you got the date wrong."
Ramona said: "Maybe I got the date wrong."
Jill said: "Alright, we're good. You said maybe you got the date wrong. That's all."
The Winner: Jill.
Round # 6
Ramona's Mouth Vs. Everyone
The Fight: Ramona has no filter from her brain to her mouth.
Her reasoning: She had a bad upbringing and she does "the best I can."
Jill said: "That's a good answer."
The Winner: Ramona's mouth.
Ramona Vs. Alex
The Fight: Ramona thinks Alex's kids are ill-behaved. They tried to hump her at a dinner party.
Alex's defense: They were one and three years old at the time.
The Winner: François.
Alex Vs. Bethenny
The Fight: Alex didn't appreciate Bethenny's Greek chorus interviews in which she made one-liners about people.
Alex said: "I don't go behind your back and say things that are really snarky. I say everything to your face."
Bethenny said: "Fair enough."
The Winner: Alex.
Kelly Vs. Crying
The Fight: Kelly doesn't like it that Bethenny cries all the time about men.
The Weirdness: Kelly was the "ambassador for wool" and this makes her "authentic."
Kelly said: "I'm not gonna cry over crying."
The Winner: Crying.
Ramona Vs. Bethenny
The Fight: Ramona wrote on her blog that the last laugh is on Bethenny because she is single."
Ramona said: "She said my advice went back before there were phones."
Jill said: "She's being snarky not reality."
We thought: Are the two mutually exclusive here?
Ramona said: "I'm not writing blogs anymore. I'm not doing blogs."
The Winner: Blogs.