The Fashion Show: Daring Designers, Hideous Harem Pants, Crappy Catchphrases

Last night Bravo premiered The Fashion Show, and even the hosts of the series hated what they saw.

The concept of the program — fifteen designers competing to win a cash prize — will seem familiar to you, since five seasons of a show called Project Runway have aired. But The Fashion Show is no Project Runway; it lacks the soul, heart and guidance of Tim Gunn; the kooky honesty of Heidi Klum and the bish plz of Nina Garcia. What TFS does have are insane deadlines, a “fashion show” held in front of an audience and tons and tons of headdesk-inducing soundbites. Here are some of the bon mots thrown about during the first episode:

“My design is edgy”
“Avant-garde”
“Experimental”
“They call me the panty Christ”
“I use heat-sensitive ink”
“I used to design for strippers”
“Creativity, construction, wearability, saleability”
“Your man berries are hanging out”
“I need some butter and a miracle to put that on”*
“Our must-have item is going to be harem pants”

In any case, the big challenge was to create a “must have item” that can be worn five different ways — and the 5 looks, using that item. The designers were split into three teams: One made a cute bolero jacket; one made ill-fitting, insane-crotch SHINY harem pants; one made a body-binding skirt so tight none of the models could walk. The bolero jacket team won, the harem pants team was “safe” and the skirt team lost the challenge.

But in the end, host Issac Mizrahi found the designers disappointing. In the clip (seen above), he said he was “embarrassed” by the fashion show they presented, and told them they really let him down. You know what let me down? Project Runway, for having legal issues and allowing this show to exist. At the end of the episode, Mizrahi told the losing designer, “We’re just not buying it.” And cohost Kelly Rowland said: “You’re still in the competition, but you’re hanging by a thread.” Darn, you two: Your needling almost had me in stitches… Because it made me want to cut myself.