A Glossary Of Terms Inspired By The Ladies Of Children's Literature

When I’m in crisis mode, I ask myself: “What would Matilda do?” While the answer (telekinesis) isn’t always helpful, there are some phrases, inspired by children’s lit characters, that one should always keep in mind.

Pulling An Amelia Bedelia: The act of baking something delicious in order to makeup for a major screw-up at work.
Ex: “I totally bombed my performance review, but then I pulled an Amelia Bedelia and brought in some pumpkin-ginger cookies and now I’m getting a raise!”

Going From Zero To Piggle-Wiggle: Using a psychologically twisted “magical cure” to make your point.
Ex: “My boyfriend refused to recycle, so I went from zero to Piggle-Wiggle and turned him into a giant aluminum can. Just before I threw him in the garbage can, he admitted he was wrong about recycling and promised to change his ways. He won’t be throwing cans away anytime soon!”

Kishi Style: A method of keeping one’s addiction under wraps by hiding incriminating evidence in secret places.
Ex: “I know I said I threw this Backstreet Boys cd out 10 years ago, but I’ve really been hiding it, Kishi Style, behind my bookcase.”

Could Have Been Renesmee: A helpful phrase used when a friend announces that she is naming her child or pet something fairly ridiculous.
Ex: “Gillian has decided to name her daughter Shampoo, and she’s going to spell it Schampooh. I guess it could have been worse. Could have been Renesmee.”

Granger Danger: What one finds oneself in when they insist upon correcting their friends and acting like a general know-it-all on a daily basis.
Ex: “I love her to death, but providing me with the alternate pronunciation, word origin, and proper spelling of every word I say is sending her in to serious Granger Danger territory.”

Golly-Up: If you write something down about someone you know, and they find out about it, be prepared to “do two things, and you don’t like either one of them. 1: You have to apologize. 2: You have to lie. Otherwise you are going to lose a friend.”
Ex: “I didn’t make that blog post private, so now I’m going to have to Golly-Up and apologize to her.”

Remember The Egg Fad: Words of advice to a friend who insists upon following stupid trends, and is on her way to ending up with egg all over her face, Ramona Quimby style.
Ex: “Dude, I am telling you, the no-pants trend isn’t worth it. Remember the Egg Fad!”