Are Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem getting hitched? A "source" says Javier's Mama told him, "What's the matter with you? She's perfect! You love her, she loves you. Get married." • New Jersey cops have arrested a pair of high school students who wrote a "hit list" containing the names of three fellow students and...Chuck Norris. The students had no weapons on them and say the list was a joke. Um, totes. • Blogger Evil Beet on teh hotness that is Patrick Stewart: "Oh, Patrick. You were probably on stage when Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. But I'd still let you put it in me. I love you." Mmmmm, yes. [Dlisted, TMZ, Evil Beet]

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