Jezebel
Let's just say you had an exciting, seductive, thrilling lover who mysteriously and secretively disappeared, leaving you with hundreds of unanswered questions. Eight months later, he's back. Do you give him an hour of your time? You do if he is a TV show, and if that TV show is Lost. Fans already know the deal: the ABC program is an exercise in exquisite torture, the primetime equivalent of an emotionally abusive relationship. What makes it abusive? Let us count the ways:
- According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner (in this case, the show), tries to isolate you from family or friends. When you watch Lost, the world divides into two groups; those who also watch and those who don't. Even my own mother will be denied and ignored if she dares to call while I'm watching tonight. And heaven forbid if she asks, "What's the show about?"
- The wellness site Third Age asks, Do you feel as if your partner keeps you dangling on a string? Does he or she seem to have all of the emotional control? Does this make your own life feel out of control? Yes, yes and yes! Lost leaves you dangling, controls emotions, makes you fall in love with foxy foxes, no-goodniks and heart-melters, muddles their backstories, confuses whether they are good or bad and then snatches them away from you just when you thought you could count on seeing them shirtless once a week.
- Dr. Phil himself says a relationship might be abusive if your partner is making you afraid by using looks, gestures or actions. The black smoke is terrifying! So is Henry Gale/Ben Linus! So is the fact that people manifest things from their past — Kate's horse, Jack's dad? Another mark of the emotional abuser is if the person makes light of the abuse and doesn't take your concerns about it seriously. You think they listened when I begged, "Please don't kill Mr. Eko!"? No!
- You're being abused if your partner does not want you to work. Lost wants me to spend all day cross-referencing conspiracy theories, watching secret videos that may or may not hold insight and reading Hurley's blog. I just know it.
- Lastly, emotionally abusive partners are known for punishing by withholding affection. It's been eight months! As Emily Nussbaum says in New York Magazine today: "Basically, we're kind of like John Locke: Befriend us under false pretenses, steal our kidney, smash us through a window, toss us in a mass grave! You're still our daddy, and we'll follow you anywhere."
What is Domestic Violence? [The National Domestic Violence Hotline]
Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? [ThirdAge]
Are You in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? [Dr. Phil]
Six Secret Lost Videos [10 Zen Monkeys]
Emily Nussbaum on 'Lost': We Are John Locke [New York Magazine]
Comments
Just confirming my smug self-righteousness in not owning a televsion...ladedah
I like to believe that Lost came back today because it is my birthday. Happy 32nd, me! Don't suck it up, Lost.
ahhhhhh, i love you for this! i've already threatened loved ones and put out the APB-- no talking to titania between 8-10. maybe 7:45-10:15, just to be safe.
I bailed on Lost when they wanted you to do research outside of the show in order to understand it. I don't have time to poke around websites figuring out secret codes and shit. Rock of Love 2 demands much less of me.
I love Lost. Screw you, last democratic primary before super tubersday!
My husband is so looking forward to this - I believe there is a big circle around today on our kitchen calendar. I haven't gotten into the show as much so I'm gonna have a few beers with my coworkers while he spends a quiet night with his sweet, sweet Lost.
Please don't post spoliers for Lost, it's not on here til next Sunday. I may kill a polar bear if you do.
I don't about this, but I was abused by Project Runway last night. Came back for two weeks, then left me again.
"Basically, we're kind of like John Locke: Befriend us under false pretenses, steal our kidney, smash us through a window, toss us in a mass grave! You're still our daddy, and we'll follow you anywhere."
It's so true. My weeks of not watching TV after Heroes went off the air are ended.
@debbiedoesdamage: yeah, i got over my "lost" affection when there were too many questions (i.e. where did that polar bear come from? what the fuck is going on?) and not enough answers. season 1 was the shit though.
i have a boyfriend, and his name is sayid.
he will break your neck with his feet and look wicked hot whilst doing so.
@athertonmerriweather: *don't know about this...
See, how messed up I am!
Oh my god, yes. And he keeps giving us gifts that have no meaning. 4-toed statue, anyone? Where the fuck did that go?
Can't wait! I love me some Lost! And Matthew Fox IS The Foxiest Fox Who Ever Foxed.
WTF was with the text they had at the bottom of the screen last night during last season's finale? "Kate, Jack and Sawyer have quite a love triangle going. Now with Juliet, it's a love quadrangle! Hee hee!" So distracting!!!
Tonight's premiere is my super bowl.
I didn't watch the whole second season (once you miss a show or two, it seems overwhelming to go back) but I watched last night and now I am hooked again!
Bwaaa ha ha ha! This is so true! I can't wait to get it back, but I know Lost will just hurt me again like it always does.
I watched the season finale last night, and all those conflicted feelings came back. I guess I need the drama of Lost because I have a normal, boring love life? It's like having an affair, but my husband is sitting right next to me.
@TaraIncognita: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Also, I am so so so so excited about LOST! Also, that quote about John Locke is hilarious.
Lost reminds me more of a con artist guy who has 12 wifes in 12 states and they all think he's working for the FBI when really he's a telemarketer.
But I don't (can't) watch Lost, so maybe it's more like some guy I heard was 'really great' through friends who turned out to be a boring douche.
I own a television and watch it quite frequently. I don't, however, watch Lost. I have no interest in watching Lost. Am I the only one in the universe who just hasn't been sucked in?
So excited about this. Lost has the hottest men on tv. Even hotter than my BSG men.
@bess marvin, girl detective:I hung in a little longer than that, but not much. I may watch it once it's done and everything's out on DVD, but for now I'm out.
@TaraIncognita: Happy Lostday!
@LadyNo: YES I swore up and down that if they killed off Charlie I would never watch again. But they did it anyway and tonight I'll be crawling back nonetheless...
I'm a little bit worried that I'm not more excited about this. I will be DVR'ing it, but somehow I'm not feeling AT ALL like watching it tonight. I'm more excited about the Bones DVD waiting in my mailbox. What is wrong with me!? Why?
Help?
@jessicarabbit: WOAH HEY NOW! no men are hotter than BSG men! BSG is holy, goddammit!
I didn't even know this show was still around. It is like Gilligan's Island...will they ever get off?
@tstrizz: nope - I can't get into it.
@debbiedoesdamage: and i agree - i like television that doesn't require much thought. after a hellish day of work, the last thing i need is to do more thinking while trying to relax.
Y'know, this is why I have three seasons of "Lost" on DVD sitting on my floor that I'm afraid to watch.
My abusive boyfriend is around one month a year after teasing me for 4 months, and usually leaves tragically with Georgetown in Overtime. Damn you, March Madness. Why can't I quit you?
@athertonmerriweather: I almost abused my TV AND my roommate right out the window when I flipped to it and a re-run was on. That didn't make much sense, but I know you get my point!
@soleil-moon-pie: Good call. Tonight is the nerd superbowl, and I cannot wait.
@tstrizz: I've never seen Lost either. @jessicarabbit: Saw Matthew Fox in the flesh when they were filming "We Are Marshall" during my senior year there. Wowza. McConauwho?
@onthecornerofparkerandwoolf: OMG, the feet neck breaking was the most bad-ass thing I've ever seen.
I am beyond excited about tonight's premiere.
I have never watched this show and do not plan to start now. It looks stupid. ::dives under desk::
@jessicarabbit: they are perfect soap opera men. gorgeous, twisted, starved for affection, have savior complexes and CONSTANTLY SWEATY. they're the most painfully, awfully iconic manly men. and i will not give up my feminist card by saying... i want to have sex with them all (save locke.)
desmond= my television lover.
I don't care if Lost is abusing me... I've hung on for THREE WHOLE SEASONS! I can't give up now! I've invested too much.
I'm forcing the mans to watch tonight to try and indoctrinate him, and he's already feeling weird after the way I reacted like a kid on Christmas morning at the first sign of the promo commericial on New Years Eve.
8 months is long time to wait for your secret abusive lover to return, but that just makes the sex even hotter!
@TheGintheCity: Angel has a strong hold on you, even if he's not a tortured vampire with a soul.
@Pinkosaurus: you're a sweet, supportive SO. or, if you're like me, psyched for another excuse to hang out at the bar. @tstrizz: no, i never got into it, either. it's a good show, but it doesn't suck me in like dexter or carnivale ever did. premium cable is the shit.
The boyfriend and I are intent on breaking our "no drinking on a work night rule" tonight while watching The Show.
Ever drink heavily during "Lost"? The next day is EVEN MORE confusing. Who was shot? Was that one guy in the flashback the same guy on the island? Did they get around to explaining ________?
@soleil-moon-pie: Yes, that was the WORST! And they didn't even put anything interesting there. It was all like "Jack looks mad! Now he's sad. Oh, his father just died."
Ooh, I'm not a Lost fan myself, but I do feel this way about the Wire. And I clearly don't have HBO, so I've been subsisting on the table scraps of grainy bit torrented season 5. Pathetic, but I can't get away.
Yeah, domestic abuse is fucking hilarious.
@tstrizz: wait, BSG? what is this show, and should i be watching it?
@tstrizz: I'm right there with you. I've never watched it. When it premiered, I thought it would probably suck. "Really, how far can they take the premise of plane crash survivors on a deserted island?" is what I thought. By the time everyone on the planet (or at least a ton of folks I know) was seemingly hooked, I was too far behind to ever catch up. I felt bad, too, because I really loved my little hobbit Merry.
But Matthew Fox is truly a straight up fox.
@badmutha: If you haven't seen it, you can't judge. If you see one ep, you will be hooked.
@HRHKingFriday: See Lost seems much exciting then the debate and at least when I am confused about Jack and the Others, it doesn't cost me tax dollars.
@TheGintheCity: That always happens because its been away for so long. The first episdoe you watch you'll get hooked again.
@polythenepam: And the recap they're showing first is like the pre-game show and all the nerds (us) are like start the fucking show!