Your Breakfast Is Trying to Murder You: Eggs Are Almost as Bad for You as Cigarettes

Illustration for article titled Your Breakfast Is Trying to Murder You: Eggs Are Almost as Bad for You as Cigarettes

You know what? Fuck it. I'm calling it. Everyone just do whatever you want. We're all going to die, we're all going to get cancer, and with a new study coming out every day about some other seemingly innocuous thing that's methodically dissolving your brain, I say we all find a hot tub somewhere and chill out.

Today's culprit? Eggs. Magical, wonderful, protein-packed, perfect little eggs. According to a new study, explicated here at The Atlantic, a lifetime of heavy egg-yolk consumption correlates with almost as much atherosclerosis (that's plaque in your arteries) as a lifetime of heavy smoking. Neat!

Now, to be fair, Americans eat a shit-ton of eggs. Brian Fung writes:

Last year, the average American consumed 247 eggs — over 40 percent more than the world per-capita average. Because egg yolks are high in cholesterol, eating whole eggs increases cholesterol, a known risk factor for coronary artery disease (CAD) and heart attacks.


Okay. 247 eggs is HELLA. A single whole egg contains over a third of a person's recommended daily cholesterol, and since, in our Man vs. Food Nation, feats of culinary endurance like the 12-egg omelette aren't even that weird, we're basically over-egging ourselves into an early mass grave. Yay! According to the study:

Aging was associated with a linear increase in arterial plaque after age 40, but smoking and egg consumption were each independently associated with an exponential increase in plaque. Egg consumption had two-thirds of the effect of smoking.

But don't worry, you guys—it's just the yolks. Egg whites, like all flavorless, borderline-irredeemable, food-like food substitutes, are still fine. Eat up. Sigh.

Study: Eggs Are Nearly as Bad for Your Arteries as Cigarettes [Atlantic]

Photo credit: 72soul / Stockfresh.

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chritter is a nocturnal feminist mancatfish

We all gotta go sometime. You'll pry my homemade egg mcmuffins from my cold, prematurely dead hands.